Veterans' champ barnes insists he's not quackers

" I'm president of Darlington Lions, its a big event and I feel I should be there," says the 71-year-old, still working as a legal executive in the town.

The race, run jointly with Darlington Rotary Club, involves 4,000 yellow plastic ducks and a lot of helpers on the River Skerne through South Park.

Sink or swim, Ian still plans to dash down to the weekend-long veterans championships the following day to compete in the 800m and 10k events.

Though it shouldnt happen to a Vet, he's philosophical.

"Its just an unfortunate coincidence and I had to make a decision. I never thought Id be beaten by 4,000 plastic ducks."

Young Barnes has been so irregularly regular in the column these past two decades that we were asked on Friday evening to present an award marking his 50 years active service to Darlington Harriers.

He'd been running before that, both at school and during National Service, but never joined a club.

"I used to think that to be a Harrier you had to be a superman, then I realised that I was beating quite a few of them," he said.

Kept in good running order by a chiro-practitioner translated from the Latin, the clubs motto appropriately means - 'Who suffers wins' - Ian has been harrying opponents ever since.

A leading member of the towns Liberal Association, he has also several times run for the council.

"He's the most incredible man, a wonderful athlete and a tremendous inspiration to the younger members," said club chairman Robin Rutherford.

That his exploits are known at all for he is as self-effacing as he is dedicated is chiefly because his place of work lies between this office and the lunchtime pub.

Headed in different directions, we simply bump into one another.

On the first occasion, still a bit bairn of 51, he'd won the North-East Over 50s 800m, 1500m and 3,000m events on the same afternoon.

"I never had much success until I was 50, "he said at the time.

" It must be the male menopause."

Four years later, more street incred, he'd knocked 3.7 seconds off his UK age group record in the 3,000m.

He'd just reached 55: "I have to make the most of my youth, "he said.

The most serendipitous and most amazing of all came in November 2000, when another chance encounter revealed that hed become the oldest man ever to win a first England vest, chosen for a five nations cross country event in Dublin but still expected to pay his own fare.

Anyone else would have punched the air, shouted Gerrinyerbugger (or words to that exultant effect) and gone for a few beers.

"Its very satisfactory," attested the lawyer, and returned to his desk.

The little speech on Friday night recalled the new internationals advice to youngsters. " Stick in, you never know what might happen in 45 years time."

The rest of the awards at the Harriers annual do were presented by Scottish international sprinter Susan Deacon - Susan Burnside when she went to the 2002 Commonwealth Games and met South Shields based 400m man Jared Deacon.

Now she lives and teaches on south Tyneside but still captains the Edinburgh Southern club.

She's 25, nice lass, hopes to make the Beijing Olympics in 2008 and then to retire.

The Barnes door is likely to remain open rather longer.

"I dont want to retire because then you get classified as an old age pensioner and I dont like the sound of it, "he said.

We can go on meeting like this.

The column which recorded how 55-year-old Ian Barnes knocked 3.7 seconds off the British indoor 3,000m age group record April 3, 1990 also pinched from Darlington College rag mag the story of a snooker player complaining to his GP about stomach pains.

The doc asks him what hes been eating.

"Just snooker balls," says the patient. "A blue for breakfast, a few browns and reds for dinner, blacks, yellows and reds for tea and pinks any time I fancy a snack."

The doc ponders. "Your problem, he says, is that you havent been eating your greens."

Up to Consett yesterday, a bit cold for May Day, to present the Arngrove Northern League second division trophy.

The Steelmen have done wonderfully well, 102 points from 38 games, though Newcastle Blue Stars 109 from 38 in 1985-86 remains the record.

The only problem, unlucky for some, was that one of their shirts had been left in the laundry and they were obliged to start with a number 13.

There'll be a fine in it: the lord giveth and the lord taketh away.

Back from an antipodean adventure, Billingham Town FC chairman Tom Donnelly reports that he still couldnt escape the demands of North-East football.

Though he'd adjusted his mobile, it rang nonetheless the burglar alarm firm to report a ringing in Billingham ears.

When can you get down to the ground, they asked.

"About three weeks, " said Tom, "I'm in Australia."

They may think its all over, but Arngrove Northern League footballers will be in action again next Tuesday when a first division representative side takes on their second division counterparts.

The match, at Guisborough Town, is to help raise the 48,000 needed to help Stokesley mother-of-two Nicky Weastell buy drugs not available on the NHS to help prolong her fight against incurable bowel cancer.

The game was originally scheduled for the following evening, until someone realised that it clashed with the EUFA Cup final.

"Were hoping for a crowd of up to 2,000," says Guisborough chairman Sandy Mackenzie. "That way we'd have been lucky to get two."

Nicky, a solicitor, last year did a bungee jump to raise money for the James Cook hospital in Middlesbrough, where she is being treated.

Admission is £3, concessions £1 50.

Tickets can also be bought by e-mailing guisboroughtown@hotmail.co.uk Not bothered about Liverpool v West Ham?

Can't get a ticket for the Boro in Eindhoven?

All are still most welcome on the Arngrove Northern League organised coaches to the Scottish Cup final, Gretna v Hearts, on May 13.

Executive coaches will leave Billingham, Darlington, Durham and Dunston at breakfast time, back in time for last orders.

The package costs just £42 - £30 match ticket, £12 coach.

Bookings should be made within the next few days.

Organiser Harvey Harris is at 3 Rossway, Darlington DL1 3 RD, telephone 01325 269325 or e-mail hrvyhrrs@yahoo.co.uk And finally...

The five teams from their country's capital city which have so far won the European Cup or Champions League (Backtrack, April 28) are Real Madrid, Ajax (Amsterdam), Benfica (Lisbon), Steaua Bucharest and Red Star Belgrade.

Via the Bad boys quiz in Billingham Towns programme, Martin Birtle today seeks the identity of the Middlesbrough player who earlier in his career was fined after an altercation with a rickshaw driver.The column hitches up again on Friday.