Graham Onions today puts 15 months of physical and emotional pain behind him when he returns to England colours for the Lions against Sri Lanka at Derby.
The Durham fast bowler admits there were times, before and after surgery on his career-threatening back injury, that he feared he might never return to professional cricket - let alone add to his eight Test caps.
But the 28-year-old has already achieved the first of those objectives, and is determined to realise his England ambition too.
Onions yesterday thanked his employers and colleagues at the England and Wales Cricket Board - specifically psychologist Mark Bawden and coach and captain Andy Flower and Andrew Strauss - for the support they have each given him when he needed it most.
"There have certainly been times where I've doubted whether I'd get the ball back in my hand - whether I'd still be able to bowl quickly, and be the same bowler," said Onions.
"All those things go through your mind.
"But I'm sitting here today with an England tracksuit on and with a great opportunity to play against a very good Test side."
Along with Ajmal Shahzad, Steven Finn and possibly Jade Dernbach, Onions has an outside chance of pushing for a place - in the absence of the injured Tim Bresnan - in the squad set to be announced on Sunday for the first Test against Sri Lanka in Cardiff.
Whether or not that dream is realised in the short term, Onions is determined to press his claims for a recall.
He last played for his country in the new year Test against South Africa in 2010, two months before feeling what he thought at first were merely spasms or a stiff back but were eventually diagnosed as something more serious and required career-saving surgery.
"I'm playing professional cricket again for Durham, bowling as fast as I can, and I've had no reaction from it at all," he said, having featured twice in the County Championship this season and marked his return with a five-wicket haul against Yorkshire at Headingley.
Onions was in denial initially that he would need an operation - but more than a year later, with a titanium screw permanently inserted and hundreds of hours of rehabilitation under his belt, he is confident the dark days are behind him.
"I am 99.9 per cent sure I will be absolutely fine for the rest of my career," he said.
"My aspirations have never changed. I like to think I am good enough to play for England.
"It has been bitterly disappointing to be able to do nothing while my place in the England side is taken by someone else. But I am looking forward to challenging those guys who are ahead of me now."
Bawden, in particular, has been a much-needed source of inspiration.
"Mark has done so much to keep me on the right track," said Onions.
"There have been tough times. I've relied on the ECB to keep in touch when I've needed someone to talk to - and Andrew Strauss, Andy Flower and Mark Bawden have all been absolutely brilliant.
"Mark Bawden has been fantastic. He has been there for me, keeping me level-headed.
Comments: Our rules
We want our comments to be a lively and valuable part of our community - a place where readers can debate and engage with the most important local issues. The ability to comment on our stories is a privilege, not a right, however, and that privilege may be withdrawn if it is abused or misused.
Please report any comments that break our rules.
Read the rules here