MATT STEVENS has revealed he was almost forced to quit rugby altogether as he prepares for his return from a two-year cocaine ban.
England prop Stevens admitted his drug habit almost cost him his career, which he is now looking to resurrect at new club Saracens.
The 28-year-old never had any thought of voluntarily ending his days as a player but claimed that decision was very nearly taken out of his hands.
“I don’t think it crossed my mind but it was definitely something that was on the cards,” he said at his official unveiling as a Saracens player.
Indeed, the forward feared not just for his career but also for his financial solvency after deciding to quit Bath in March 2009 before they sacked him.
“Recession had just hit, so it was difficult,” he said.
“I managed to come out the other side, so it’s not a sob story.
“But it’s quite sound economic reasoning that now I’ve finished my ban, the recession is going to lift.”
Stevens, who opened a cafe in Bath with former teammate Lee Mears, added: “I potentially lost a lot, but I’m here today. So hopefully I haven’t lost anything.”
Stevens admitted living a double-life while on cocaine had made him a fraud.
“It’s difficult to be a genuine person, definitely,” said Stevens, who revealed after he was caught that his drug-taking was linked to feelings of self-loathing.
‘‘I don’t want to get into the personal stuff because it’s taken two years and it’s been quite a process of self-evaluation.
‘‘What I would say is, it’s been difficult, but it’s also been one of the best experiences of my life.
“It’s taught me a lot about myself, my limitations as a person, and what I’ve got to keep focused on – and it’s taught me to be healthy, healthy of body but healthy of mind as well.”
The South Africa-born star added: “I’ve been working with counselling and talking to people – it’s not something you can do on your own.
“My friends, family, the players, Saracens now, they’re really supportive.”
Stevens, who pledged to help in the fight against drugs in sport, had braced himself for the opposite reaction from his fellow professionals.
“I’ve got to say I was very humbled by the support I got from players that had every right to go, ‘You’ve let us down’, and, ‘Get out of my sight’,” he said.
“But it was amazing the kind of support I got from the likes of Lee Mears and Danny Grewcock at Bath and later, here, from the players at Saracens, the backroom staff.”
Stevens admitted to nerves about the prospect of facing the fans, saying: “People understand you can make mistakes – you can make a lot of mistakes.
“As long as I try to make sure that I don’t make those mistakes again, I think you’ve got to give that kind of person a chance and that’s what I’ve got to hope of other people.”
Stevens’ hopes of an international comeback was boosted by the presence of England scrum coach Graham Rowntree at Saracens’ yesterday.
But there was also a stark reminder of his darkest hour when his first day training was interrupted by a routine drugs test.
‘‘They’re supposed to be random, these tests...’’ he said.
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