Magnolia Lane, the meandering driveway that leads to the clubhouse at Augusta, sounds so authentically American, it should be the setting for an episode of Desperate Housewives. This week, it has provided the backdrop for some Desperate Golfers.
While Teri Hatcher and Felicity Huffman have won awards for their portrayal of suburban rivalries and bitter backbiting, even they would struggle to do justice to the ascorbic comments that regularly pepper international golf.
Hell hath no fury like a golfer scorned and, in the run-up to this year's US Masters, there has been a lot of scorning going on.
The source of so much fairway fury - and wouldn't the Desperate Housewives love this - has been length. The Augusta National has more of it than ever and, as a result, many of the world's leading players are throwing down their drivers in disgust.
When even the normally restrained Tiger Woods feels moved to accuse this week's hosts of "messing" with the most famous golf course in the world, something has surely gone wrong somewhere.
The addition of 155 yards might not sound like a lot in the grand scheme of things, but Augusta is now 520 yards longer than it was when Woods won his first green jacket in 1997, and it boasts considerably more rough to narrow the fairways.
The Masters has always been one of the sternest tests in golf - the fear is that the latest raft of changes has put the tournament out of reach of all but the longest hitters in the game.
"I am frustrated with where the game is going," said Fred Funk, an American hardly renowned for his length off the tee. "They are eliminating the majority of the field."
While 90 players will contest the year's opening Major, it would be a surprise if the winner came from beyond a handful of favoured names.
Woods is obviously at the top of the list, having won four Masters titles from his nine attempts at the tournament.
Last year's victory silenced those who were suggesting the rest of the field were catching up to the world number one but, 12 months on, the self-effacing family man has a rather more emotional obstacle to overcome.
Woods' 74-year-old father, Earl, is dying of cancer and, even now, it is far from certain that his son will complete the four-day competition.
While the reigning champion has been accused of many things - rudeness, aloofness and a failure to acknowledge his race in particular - his devotion to his family, and particularly to his father, has never been in doubt.
Woods skipped practice at the Players Championship - a tournament in which he failed to make the top 20 - to fly from Florida to California so he could be by his father's bedside.
His unique combination of talent and resolve means he could well channel his emotions into the performance of his career but, with all that is going on his private life, it would be a truly incredible achievement were he to claim another Green Jacket on Sunday. It is not, though, out of the question.
Without Woods, the field becomes more open, although the usual names are still to the fore.
Phil Mickelson finally threw off the tag of 'The best player never to have won a major' when he triumphed at Augusta in 2004, and last year's success at the US PGA underlined his new-found resolve.
The American is bang on form - he won last week's BellSouth Classic by 13 shots - and with two drivers in his bag, one to draw the ball and the other to fade - he is giving himself every chance of a second Masters title.
Ernie Els, Vijay Singh and Retief Goosen also possess the power needed to triumph this week, and preference is for the latter.
Twice in the Masters frame in the last four years, the South African, who was almost killed when lightning struck him on a golf course as a youngster, is an electric performer around the green.
Despite the focus on big hitting, the slick putting surfaces at Augusta will continue to sort the men from boys. It will be impossible to win if the radar goes awry.
The European challenge is circling, but it would remain a significant shock if the continent's seven-year wait for a Masters winner came to an end over the next four days.
Sergio Garcia remains infuriatingly inconsistent - especially around the greens - while Jose-Maria Olazabal's claims to being an Augusta course specialist were somewhat undermined when he failed to make the cut last year.
It is time to usher in the new guard and, after a series of impressive displays last season, this could be the year when Henrik Stenson makes his breakthrough into the world's elite.
The Swede is the leading European in the Ryder Cup world points list and the crowds who watched his 300-plus-yard drives at The Wynyard Club last September will vouch for his prodigious length from the tee.
Back in 2002, Stenson was ranked as low as 176th on the European money list - now he is knocking on the door of a Major title.
Colin Montgomerie isn't but, with pictures of him stepping out with another mystery blonde having dominated last weekend's Sunday papers, he probably doesn't mind too much about that.
The Scotsman has missed his last four cuts and his mantle as leading Briton has already slipped.
It is likely to be assumed by either Luke Donald or David Howell. The former was third at Augusta last year, while the latter recently beat Woods in China.
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