HELLO everyone, Straussy here.

I’d like to thank The Northern Echo for giving me this opportunity to write to you personally to explain my decision to stand down as England captain ahead of the forthcoming tour to Bangla… Bloody hell, is that the time? I must have fallen asleep halfway through that first sentence, but then that’s what happens when you’re as mentally and physically tired as I am.

You find yourself dropping off in the most inopportune of places.

Only last week, Stuart Broad was trying to get my attention so we could discuss the merits of introducing a leg slip against Hashim Amla, and I was lying flat on my back at silly mid-off snoring and dribbling uncontrollably.

It’s not a look that’s becoming of an England captain, and that’s why instead of flogging myself around Bangladesh this spring, I’m going to be resting and recuperating at home instead.

Admittedly, I’ll also be doing a spot of PR work, some negotiating about image rights and attempting to set up a lucrative slot on Jonathan Ross, but if it’s good enough for KP, then it’s also good enough for me.

Now, I know my decision has not gone down well in some quarters. ‘Isn’t the England cricket captain supposed to actually play cricket,’” is a question I’ve heard more than once in the last few days.

Funnily enough, Nasser was saying exactly the same thing on Sky Sports yesterday morning, and I can’t remember him playing anything other than an ill-advised waft outside off stump in all the years he was in my position.

But that’s by the by. The simple fact is that the England captain is involved in much more than simply playing cricket these days.

There are so many other responsibilities to fulfil, and it’s these that have made me exhausted in recent weeks.

Take the final Test in South Africa for example.

Now I can understand why some of you might think I had plenty of time to rest there, what with getting a first-ball duck in the first innings and an equally useless 22 in the second.

But once you’re out and back in the pavilion, that’s when, as a captain, your real work begins.

I mean, for starters, there’s the Ipod playlist to sort out.

Jimmy wants a bit of heavy metal, Cooky and Belly are constantly banging on about the merits of nu-rave techno, and Colly can’t focus unless he’s had a blast of Phil Collins before he heads out to the crease.

There’s a weight of expectation everywhere you turn.

Then there’s the lunch and tea menu to sort out.

Obviously we’ve got dieticians, nutritionists and sports scientists on hand to make sure we’re provided with all the essential vitamins and nutrients we need, but it’s my job to hide everything they’ve served up and smuggle a consignment of steak-andkidney pies and a family bag of pork scratchings into the pavilion instead.

Tiring work.

And that’s before I have to dream up an alternative way of saying “We’re not as good as we think we are,”

for the endless press interviews that I’m forced to do at the end of every game.

I like to think I’m a clever lad, but I can only find so many different ways of saying “We’re confident KP will come good,” you know.

I’m a captain not a miracle worker.

So bearing all of that in mind, I think the best thing all round is for me to step aside and let Alastair take over the Test team for a month or two.

Everybody says he’s captaincy material, so how better to find that out than pitching him into a series against the worst Testplaying team in the world, saddling him with a new opening partner, and seeing how he responds when England collapse to 10-3? It’ll be character building.

Meanwhile, I’ll sit at home and recharge the batteries ahead of the World Twenty20 at the start of May.

Oh no, that’s right, I don’t play in that either do I? No, I’ll sit at home and recharge the batteries ahead of the home series with Bangladesh that starts at the end of May, by which time I’ll be totally out of touch and complaining that I need a couple of matches to get my eye back in.

Still, at least all of this will ensure England are in the best possible shape for the start of the Ashes series against Australia this winter.

I mean ask yourself this.

While I was announcing my decision to rest at the start of this week, what was Ricky Ponting, my opposite number in charge of the Australia team, doing?

I’ll tell you what. He was scoring 209 runs as his team beat Pakistan in Hobart. More than 500 minutes he batted for. How exhausted must he have been after that?

Ricky clearly thinks that compiling a big innings is a good way to captain your country, but how are those runs going to help him come the end of November?

Form, confidence, touch?

Well okay, possibly, but he’d be in a much better position if he followed my lead and spent his time in bed instead of in the middle.

That’s what I intend to do for the next two months, and it’ll be the ideal preparation for the Ashes.

After all, the Aussies have normally put their home Ashes series to bed in the first three Tests anyway, so at least I’ll know what’s coming.