STEVE HARPER’s 17 years at Newcastle United make him uniquely qualified to one day write the definitive insider history of goings-on at St James’ Park.

But the Easington-born goalkeeper baulks at suggestions he should pen a Watergate- style expose on the club, perhaps believing ‘Gallowgategate’ just wouldn’t make a good title.

“It would be longer than Lord of the Rings if I ever started it!” he quipped.

“I don’t think I could afford the legal fees, especially if I did a warts and all one. I would probably be in court for the rest of my life,” he said.

“But no, it is a unique club.

No season is the same.”

If Harper’s last statement is something of a truism, then his assertion would prove to be more than just rhetoric should Newcastle’s current campaign end in relegation.

Harper, an avid reader of novels, dreads the prospect that the story of this season ends with a tragic, final twist.

“It would be a massive blow for everyone if we were relegated,’’ he confessed. “Very, very sad. The big clubs that have gone down, and if the worst does happen, they show you have no given right to bounce straight back.

“We do not really want to think abut that because it is worst-case scenario, but we will have to start thinking about it unless we start getting three points on a Saturday.”

The appointment of Alan Shearer as manager re-united the goalkeeper with a former colleague whom he also numbers among his closest friends in the game.

But for the next seven weeks at least, the man he once called ‘Alan’ is to be known to Harper and his team mates as ‘gaffer’.

The goalkeeper admits he is gradually re-adjusting to the fact that his one-time golf partner is now his boss.

“There are several of us in the same boat. He was a player here so he knows quite a few of the lads: Michael Owen, Nicky (Butt), there are several of us. It might help us.

As a manager you need to learn about characters and he has that advantage.

“But anyone who thinks we are going to get preferential treatment does not know Alan Shearer,” insisted Harper.

“He is the gaffer for seven or eight weeks, whatever it is going to be, and that is the way it is. I’m calling him ‘gaffer’ – it was hard the first couple of times but it is becoming automatic now.”

Depending on results today, Newcastle’s could leapfrog Sunderland or find themselves overhauled by Middlesbrough.

It pains Harper to note the sorry plight of North-East clubs in the Premier League but, not surprisingly, his focus is wholly on securing the Magpies’ future.

“It’s sad for such a great region,’’ he admitted. “To have three big clubs, regularly getting over 30,000, three fantastic stadiums, three big clubs.

But I can’t worry for the other two at this stage. It would be great for the region if all three stayed up but for the next seven weeks, in fact the whole season, it is only about us.”

Goalkeeping coach Paul Barron has been working with Harper this week to ensure the Newcastle stopper isn’t the latest victim of Rory Delap’s long throw.

“We have looked into it,’’ revealed Harper. “Some throws are looping, some are flat, some are in more dangerous areas but you cannot go in with a premeditated attitude.

You have to judge each ball as it comes in, as it takes flight.

“We have worked hard on it and hopefully we will get our rewards on Saturday.’’ Asked to sum up Shearer’s management style, Harper replied: “Ask me in seven weeks.” If he had any more thoughts, he was saving them for the book.