‘IF TELLING my story means one woman finds the courage to speak out and ask for help then it’s worth it. I was a victim of domestic abuse for 23 years.”

When Val Mitchell married she was 21. The day after her wedding, she and her husband moved 300 miles from their home town to Darlington. It was the start of years of domestic abuse.

The mother-of-two, now 54, says: “From the very beginning, looking back, from the first year of marriage, he was abusive. Not so much physical abuse but verbally.

“At the time I was only 21, I thought this was life. My mum had said ‘You made your bed, you’ll have to lie in it’.

That was the way then, but I would never say that to my children now.”

Sadly, Val’s experiences are not unusual.

But after finding the strength, and the support to leave her husband she now sees it as her duty to tell her story and show women, and men, who suffer domestic violence that they are not alone.

For Val it was the staff at Family Help, Darlington’s women’s refuge, who offered a shoulder to cry on, counselling for her children and a place to stay after she eventually left her husband ten years ago. Now, as chairwoman of the charity’s committee, Val is dedicated to sharing her experiences and proving to domestic abuse victims that life can get better.

Although at first the abuse Val experienced was mostly verbal, the situation got steadily worse as her husband, who had been taking medication for a bad back for years, started drinking heavily.

But even as the abuse escalated and became physical violence, she kept quiet for fear of hurting her family.

She says: “When I was pregnant with my second child he punched me and I actually went to his parents. They said it was just a one-off, but they didn’t know what had been going on for years and years. I never told them. In a way I wanted to protect them.”

OVER the years, Val’s husband continued the abuse and even turned his attention to her children.

“As the children got bigger it became more apparent that my husband was a bully,” she says. “He wasn’t nice to the children, he was manipulative.

He was a bully to the kids and an abuser to me.

“He tried to run me over with the car, he held me by my throat and threw a knife at me. He threw a milk bottle too.

Now I look back and think why did I put up with it but because I was trying to help him I stayed.”

The turning point for Val was a conversation with her then 11-year-old daughter, who said: “Do you know mum, I feel really sorry for you.”

Val says: “I asked her why. She said, ‘Because you are married to dad’. I said, ‘Don’t you ever feel sorry for me – I can do something about it’. That was a wake up call.”

After one final argument, when things became so violent that Val called the police for the first time in her marriage, she walked out with her kids, leaving them homeless.

After a few days staying with a friend, Val was put in touch with Family Help, who invited her to come in for a chat. “I walked through the door at the refuge and I just knew I was safe,”

she says. “I knew the children would be safe. I knew that they were there to listen to me and they wouldn’t judge.

“I say they saved my life. I know that because if I had stayed with my ex, if he hadn’t done something to me, I probably would have done something to myself.”

Until the day she walked out, Val never told anyone about the abuse she had been suffering, something that she now encourages women to do as soon as possible.

SHE says: “It’s not something you want to tell your best mate. They might have an inkling, but wouldn’t want to say, ‘Is he beating you?’ “If you have a friend you are worried about, just approach them. They might not like it, but they might just need that one person to say, are you alright? I always think, if someone had said that to me...”

Ten years on, Val’s life could not be more different - her children are grown up, she’s in a new, loving relationship and has a job she adores.

“My life changed the day I walked into the women’s refuge,” she says. “It wasn’t easy. People say I was brave, but I did what I had to do for me and my children to survive.

%image('2191452', type="articleLandscape", alt="OFFERING HELP: Val Mitchell, Geoff Freeman, Phil Russell (from Cummins), Emma Garth (from Tees Valley YMCA), Susan (Family Health Refuge), Rachel Dyne (from Tees Valley YMCA), Richard Thorne (from Cummins) and Darlington Borough Council leader Bill Dixon promote support for victims of domestic abuse")

“Family Help did so much for the children and supported them through it. I aim to be an ambassador for them.

If someone asks me I say, ‘yes I was a victim’ – I think it makes other people aware that there is no stereotype, a certain kind of woman who becomes a victim of domestic abuse. I’m happy now.

My children are happy and I’m proud of both of my kids. I know it’s hard for some people to make that break. But life has to be better than standing there and taking the abuse.”