ROLL up, roll up. This autumn the circus comes to town.

Prepare yourself for a feast of stand-up comics the like of which you have never seen.

Be gobsmacked by classic oneliners, comical storytelling and unimaginable self-appreciation.

Welcome to the 2012 annual party conference season.

On September 22 the Liberal Democrats take their buckets and spades to Brighton, Labour visits Manchester on September 30 with the battered Tories closing the conference season at Birmingham’s International Conference Centre on October 7.

David Cameron has a lot of excess baggage to carry to his conference this year. For starters, he has a collective debt of over £1 trillion to deal with – a figure once contemplated by Austin Power’s arch enemy, Dr Evil.

He also has Deputy Prime Minister and Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg, a politician he once called a “dead parrot” and how right he was.

Mr Clegg is like a reoccurring nightmare.

The last time Chancellor George Osborne made an appearance in front of a large audience he was roundly booed when he presented the winners’ medals of the men’s Paralymic 400 metre race.

He’s on a safe wicket at Birmingham but that won’t last long. With his poor track record he’s got to be hot contender for the high jump.

I’m looking forward to some classic corny Tory conference quotes.

In 1980, Margaret Thatcher was the lady not for turning. In 1993 John Major spoke of doing a job of service to the nation. In 2003 Iain Duncan Smith was the man who liked to turn up the volume and, in 2006, Mr Cameron let sunshine win the day – but it has rained ever since.

All the usual Tory suspects will be in attendance this autumn making promises they have no intention of fulfilling.

Failed ministers will serve up a dish of stale policies.

There will be nothing stale about the food MPs will be consuming– the best grub money can buy. Our money.

At the end of the day the outcome will be just the same – a conference of the rich, for the rich.

The Tories are dying. Why on Earth would you want to give them the kiss of life?

Stephen Dixon, Redcar .