I SEE that correspondent Ian J Walker has belittled the important, and relatively inexpensive, research carried out to determine if ducks like rain or not (HAS, May 25).

We in the scientific world are heartily sick of snide remarks aimed at our important work, but – with continued support by the Government – we will continue with other research projects, listed below, which we feel your readers will be impressed with.

Ongoing: research into why water runs downhill; why grass grows in fields; why hedgehogs cross roads dangerously; why unmissable TV programmes are missed; why pens run out of ink just when you need to write down a telephone number given over the phone.

Proposed research: why people write to newspapers; why the British drive on the left; why church pews are made of wood; why people believe everything written down is true; why caves are underground; why “Car of the Year” is awarded to a manufacturer before the year in question has begun; why a tin of propriety varnish does exactly what it says on the tin.

Due to the limitations of researcher numbers we are unable to undertake any extra work but, if the Government increased our budget, we feel sure we can recruit sufficient from abroad to fill the gap.

Chris Davies (Head of Admissions, Investigative Research – Hair), Newfield, Bishop Auckland.