Caring couple

ANNE and David Charnley have a large family. So big they can’t quite remember how many children they have. “They said 50 last night, but I think it’s a few more,” she says.

“You lose track over the years,” he adds, explaining ignorance of the precise number of children, from babies only a few weeks old to teenagers, who have shared their Billingham home.

The previous night had been an important one for the couple as they received an award as winners of the personal and community achievement category in the Pride of Billingham Awards 2011. It honoured the work they have done as foster carers over the past 30 years.

Anne is excited, not just because of the personal achievement, but the fact that the award comes with £100 to donate to the community.

She’s off that afternoon to hand over the cheque to Ashtree School.

The Charnleys work with Stockton Borough Council’s fostering agency. They don’t claim to be the longest-serving foster parents, maybe the second or third. Whatever the figure. and whatever the exact number of children they’ve cared for, there’s no doubting their contribution to the child placement service.

Their entry into the world of fostering arose because they didn’t have any children of their own. “Then there were two children for fostering advertised in the local paper, so we went to social services and inquired about them.”

Interviews and checks complete, they welcomed a brother and sister, seven and nine. It was, they were told, just for the short term. The boy stayed until he was 18, the girl until she was 23.

It was not a particularly easy start as they had both suffered neglect at home and had learning difficulties.

A couple of years later they took in a baby – neglect again – straight from North Tees Hospital.

“They just phoned up and said ‘can you take this baby, ten months old’? We said yes.

When they pulled up at the door, the baby was a little bundle and she was like ten days old.

“They’d phoned beforehand to see what equipment we needed and I’d said stuff like baby walkers. When I saw how young she was I was thinking they must think I’m mad asking for a baby walker.”

This baby girl proved special – the Charnleys adopted her, the only one of the 50-or-so babies and youngsters they’ve taken on permanently.

“We looked into adopting her and she’s never looked back,” says Anne proudly.

They’ve been carers for children with a variety of problems – drug-dependent babies, young kids whose parents have been alcoholics, children from homes where domestic violence occurred.

“We’ve always loved kids,” says Anne. “You feel so sorry for those ones you see on television – the harm and things like that that have affected them. You just hope for a better future for them.”

Some of their children have been returned to their families, others have moved on for adoption.

They’ve had to learn to come to terms with having “short-term” children. “You can’t say you have this child for a week or a fortnight. I always say how long is a piece of string? You just always stand by them. You see it through to the end, whether they go back home, or up for adoption,” says Anne.

“In the end, we always say what’s best for the child is what matters. You feel the pain for them, you cry with them. It’s just like having your own.”

Whatever happens, they are part of your family, explains David. “You bring them up as you would your own. But we’ve had some difficult ones, really difficult ones,” says his wife.

“But at the same time they all need love and affection,” he says.

“They all need TLC,” she adds. “They all have their own problems. You deal with each one, each child is different. You have to deal with each on their own merit.”

As well as babies, toddlers and teenagers, they’ve looked after young mother and babies, which brings a different set of problems.

“Sometimes they want you to take over. It’s difficult to say, ‘no, it’s your baby I’m only here to guide you.’ Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn’t,” says Anne.

Along with the problems of raising a child come the joys. For Anne, “it’s just seeing them go on to a better life”, while David feels, “they get a chance in life, don’t they?”

Sometimes they meet the real parents whose children are in their care. Their reaction differs.

Some are quite nice, others not so understanding.

“It’s because you’re doing a better job than they were. It must be hard for them. They don’t like it,” says Anne.

“We always say we’re only doing a job and looking after your child. Some people say ‘you’re not keeping my children’. We don’t want to be doing that, we’re just looking after them as a job.”

Outsiders believe it’s hard being a foster parent but that, says David, is because people think foster children have worse problems that other children have got. He doesn’t think that’s so.

“They have to have a foster child to find out how life is with them. You do get upset when you have babies for 12 or 18 months and they’re part of your family – you do get upset when they go.”

YOU can’t not get upset when children are adopted and leave, says Anne. “A lot of people say they couldn’t give them back.

I look at it that you’re giving someone who couldn’t have children or who wants more and can’t make a new family. You make a new family for them.

“It can be hard, especially when you’ve had them from day one. These drug-dependent babies, as soon as they’re born, we go to the hospital and give the medication they need and feed them.

“You really bond from day one, as though you are the mother. Then you bring them home until they are 14 or 15 months and go for adoption.”

The couple have had seven months off fostering because Anne hasn’t been well, but are now back in the swing of things with a little baby to care for.

Neither contemplates retiring. “It was very boring when we didn’t have a child in the house. We’re not the type of people who do quiet,” says Anne.

“I’ll carry on as long as my health allows me.

You miss them really. When you have little ones around the house they keep you young and fit.”

􀁧 If you would like more information about fostering and adoption, call Stockton council’s child placement team on 01642-526218 or visit stockton.gov.uk/fostering or stockton.gov.uk/adoption