'HIV made me a better person'

I'VE just asked Tim Watson how he felt the day he was diagnosed with the HIV virus three years ago. I expect him to say "devastated" or that he thought his life would be over, but he replies with typical candour: "I was relieved more than anything because at least I knew what was wrong with me. I was also thinking it could be Aids so it was a relief that it was HIV."

Even though he wasn't diagnosed with full blown Aids, Tim was still dangerously ill. His CD4 count - the white blood cells which fight infection - was hovering at ten and his viral load was "rampant". A healthy person should have a CD4 count of up to 1,200. At around 300, a person with HIV would expect to receive anti-viral drug treatment.

When Tim, 44, was finally taken into hospital in Middlesbrough, he had tubercolosis, pneumonia and deep vein thrombosis, as well as HIV. Despite his extreme symptoms which are typical of the virus, his HIV status had remained undetected for up to ten years. It was only when he changed doctors that it was suggested he take the test.

When Aids (Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome) first came into the spotlight in the 1980s, the Government produced a series of hard-hitting campaigns to raise awareness about the disease. It is 25 years since the first medical report on Aids was produced, but two decades later there are still thousands of people putting themselves at risk. Around 71,000 cases of HIV have been reported since the early 1980s and more than 16,000 people have died.

Tim, of Middlesbrough, was aware of the risks, but says that although he wasn't overly promiscuous, he had had unprotected sex outside his relationship with his long-term partner.

"I know the reason why I got it - because I played with fire and I got burned by fire," he admits. "It was my own stupid fault for not taking precautions. I felt angry with myself for doing it but I can't blame anybody else but myself. I'm one of those people who if I didn't get car tax, I'd get caught".

But 25 years ago, an HIV diagnosis would have come with a death sentence. The virus attacks the body's immune system. Sufferers would be given ten years at most before the virus led to Aids. Today, it is not even classed as a terminal condition, it is seen as a chronic and manageable illness.

The main reason is better drugs. Tim, like most sufferers, takes a combination treatment, a mixture of anti-viral drugs which has seen his CD4 count rise to 300. There are side effects, but he reasons he can live with them if they prolong his life, in particular, his quality of life.

The drugs give him weird dreams, a touch of insomnia, and one of the biggest effects has seen him suffer from lipodystrophy, a redistribution of the body's fat which saw him lose weight drastically from his cheeks.

Tim has had painful fat injections to restore his facial features.

"I was a bit apprehensive beforehand because I didn't know if I would end up with hamster cheeks," he laughs. "But I knew I had to do it for my own self-esteem.

"It felt like they were squeezing toothpaste through a needle and I watched the doctor's hand shaking with the force of trying to put it in at the side of my eye, but it was still worth it - although I had to leave hospital with all the pen marks still on."

Michael Kay is the services manager at Middlesbrough-based Teesside Positive Action (TPA), a charity which offers support to people with Aids and HIV and their families. When the charity was first set up in 1989, it was with the aim of helping people to be as comfortable as possible for what would be the last part of their lives.

"Now, it's more about helping people come to terms with the fact that they have HIV, helping them look at what they were planning to do before they were diagnosed - did they want to have a family? Go to college? - and helping them achieve those goals," says Michael.

Michael has seen the advances in drug treatments, although points out that some people still develop resistance and suffer terrible side effects. But he says it can be five years before a person with HIV may even need treatment.

Other changes have come in the way people with HIV are treated - although Michael says there are still the ignorant perceptions, those who believe that shaking hands with someone who has HIV will give them the virus.

"You do get those people who use disposable party plates if they find out a relative has it," he says wryly.

But what remains is the attitude of young people, those who still believe they are invincible. The Don't Die of Ignorance posters may have terrified a generation, but with HIV no longer carrying a death sentence, are today's teenagers getting the right message?

"I know people in their early 20s who have no idea," says Michael. "Even people in the gay community sometimes look upon it as an older person's illness, and by old they mean over 30. Some people think it's treatable but it's not like taking a couple of headache tablets. If you're on HIV medicine you'll be on it for life. The Goverment needs to do a big campaign again, and not something with a watered down message which looks like a Benetton advert."

There are also still perceptions that the only people with HIV are gay men and drug users. According to Michael, 60 per cent of those with HIV he sees are women, including a number of women who are seeking asylum who've caught the virus after being raped in their home countries.

He says the way to get the message across is through education. The TPA team go into schools, youth centres, prisons talking about HIV. Last year they talked to 5,000 people.

"We've done work in schools where people have said 'oh, I refuse to use condoms', but they're just trying to goad a reaction sometimes," he says. "You just think fair enough, I'll see you in a few years' time then."

It's a message which needs to be drummed into children, says Tim. Get yourself checked out at a sexual health clinic if you're in doubt - for any sexually transmitted disease.

Tim still gets pains from the deep vein thrombosis and his lungs are "shot" from the tuberculosis. But he also goes to the gym twice a week, swimming once.

He's planning to move to Greece one day, maybe open a bed and breakfast business with his long-term partner, who also has HIV. Two decades ago, that wouldn't have been possible.

"I still go to bed at night hoping I'm going to wake up alive the next day," says Tim. "But when I wake up I appreciate everything. Actually having this disease has made me a better person because it's given me a second chance in life. I'm helping other people with HIV and I have a very comfortable home life with a loving partner.

"People do think it's never going to happen to them, but it can and it will do and for the sake of using a little bit of rubber it's not worth it."

* Some of the names in this article have been changed. Teesside Positive Action can be contacted on (01642) 254598.