Family values

ON a sunny day, Kevin Brydon’s home, a former farmhouse perched high above Weardale, County Durham, looks like something out of a tourist brochure.

With stunning views and wide open spaces all around, Kevin, his wife, Gill, and two children, Andrew and Anthony, are living in a rural paradise.

Which is why it is all the more remarkable that they have chosen to share their idyllic hillside home with a succession of children plucked from sometimes hellish home backgrounds, escaping violence, drugs, drink or just incompetent parenting.

The couple, originally from Jarrow, South Tyneside, are among the small band of North- Eastern foster carers who are willing and able to provide short, medium or long-term homes for children who have been taken into local authority care.

Called foster carers these days, they provide a vital safety net for youngsters who have taken away from what are often appalling home circumstances.

In some cases, the youngsters can return to their parents after a period of weeks or months but, in most cases, the children will never be able to go back home and have to forge new lives for themselves with the help of people such as Mr and Mrs Brydon.

Mr Brydon, 48, says he cannot think of any other job that would be as rewarding.

He said: “We took one baby who was so terrified of men that she used to shake if you went into the room. Six months later, she was lying asleep in my arms. You cannot get any more rewarding than that.”

It was his wife who decided to try her hand as a foster carer 12 years ago, giving up her job as an office manager.

After a few years, Mr Brydon enjoyed the experience so much that he decided to quit his job at the Nissan car factory in Sunderland and also become a full-time carer.

He said: “Our friends thought we were completely mad.” But after helping dozens of youngsters get a decent start in life, he says he cannot imagine doing anything else.

Mr and Mrs Brydon both come from broken homes and both were determined to make their own home life a success.

Once they were established, they started thinking about those less fortunate.

Mr Brydon said: “We were in a really good position, so we thought we would give something back by helping these kids.”

Before going ahead with fostering, they checked with their two sons, then nine and four, what they thought about the idea.

Mr Brydon said they were delighted and just as keen as their parents. After sailing through detailed background checks with flying colours, the couple went on to accept referrals from councils all over the North.

Working for national care agency Foster Care Associates (FCA), they have both received comprehensive training so they can cope with all eventualities.

Social worker Alan Howes, from the agency, said the demand for foster carers has gradually increased in recent years, and has risen following publicity around the tragic Baby P case in London.

THE challenges for carers can be formidable, but Mr Howes argues that the rewards are more than enough to compensate.

He said: “Before we place someone with a family, the whole family – even their pets – is assessed whether they are suitable.”

There is also an assessment whether the children who need to be placed are suitable for the foster parents.

For example, a child looking to be fostered might be sexually precocious for their age because of their home circumstances.

Another issue might be if a child soils themselves regularly. Mr Howes said: “Some people are just not very good at dealing with other people’s bodily fluids.”

In Mr and Mrs Brydon’s case, they are totally flexible and will accept just about anybody.

“I do not think we have ever turned anyone down. Me and Gill like to be challenged,” says Mr Brydon, who says their children are great at breaking the ice with new arrivals.

The couple have got used to children arriving with no idea about basic social skills such as brushing their teeth before going to bed, cleaning their room or having a set bedtime.

Mr Brydon said: “Nearly every child we have has lacked basic social skills. Our own kids are really good in showing them the way to do things like brushing their teeth before bedtime.”

Mr Howes says many youngsters who need to be placed with foster carers have little idea of how to conform to social norms.

He said: “Children who have found that they cannot trust adults get into problems at school and with the police.

“There are also children who have been exposed to violence where trust needs to be rebuilt.”

Mr Brydon says he takes particular pleasure in demonstrating to children where male adult violence has been a problem at home that not all men behave that way.

Mr Howes says the lack of male adult role models in the home is becoming increasingly common, and added: “It is quite common now to find mothers living on their own with three or four children with different fathers. The model family with two parents and 2.2 kids is no longer the norm.”

The majority of FCA foster carers receive £390.25 per child per week. However there are circumstances where this can be different depending on the needs of the child.

According to The Fostering Network, the UK needs to recruit another 10,000 foster carers to keep pace with demand.

Despite the horrors some children have experienced, Mr Brydon delights in allowing them to run wild in their country home.

He said: “It is a lot calmer for them out here in Weardale. You can let them go and play and they are quite safe. It is a different world for them.”

■ To inquire about fostering, go to thefca.co.uk