Oriental expression

JUSTIN LEE COLLINS is no stranger to dealing with situations and people alien to him – after all, this is the man who became a ten-pin bowler, a high diver, a Mexican wrestler, a surfer, a ballroom dancer and a West End star, thanks to Sky1’s JLC Is series.

Now he’s taking a trip to Japan, where he aims to reveal, in the three-part series JCL: Turning Japanese, a few things about the local culture that you’re unlikely to see on a package tour.

Chances are that, unless you’ve been there yourself, all you know about the country is what you’ve seen on the large and small screens. Collins himself seems to fall into that category – and seeing as he appears to be a technophobe, he doesn’t seem to be looking forward to reaching his destination.

“I don’t like robots, I don’t have an MP3 player and I hate manga,” he confesses. “So I hope there’s more to Japan than that.”

His first port of call is Tokyo’s Harajuku district, where fashionable young people hang out wearing outlandish, theatrical costumes.

Collins, right, seems slightly baffled by it all, but thinks the place is the perfect meeting point for lonely hearts. His translator, Mai, soon puts him straight. She claims that the sexes often remain separate because increasing numbers of strong, ambitious Japanese women have begun to view the male of the species as too foppish and effeminate.

To seemingly reinforce this idea, she takes him to a shop selling women’s underwear made especially for male proportions. His cuddly physique gets a thumbs-up from the manager, too, who gropes his chest while exclaiming: “They feel nice, like a girl’s!”

To his bafflement, Collins is then given a polka dot bra as a souvenir: “The frills and the pink suit you, they match your face,” says the proprietor.

Collins does better at a class that offers tuition for single people who want to attract a member of the opposite sex. The first lesson involves tips on developing a winning smile, and he quickly becomes the star pupil. “Justin, you’ve been working very hard,” the teacher says. “Your face is red.”

Later he visits a man who owns 100 “love dolls” – you can guess what they’re used for.

Finally, Collins heads to a “host bar” to try his hand at becoming a “compere” – such young men can earn thousands a night from women willing to pay for a date.

Business booms for his colleagues, but when he begins touting for his own clients, the bar’s manager has to step in and remind that the punishment for poaching another host’s date is a shaved head.

WHEN Bryan Elsley and Jamie Brittain came up with the idea for youth drama Skins, they obviously hoped it would do well but had no idea it would become such a big hit.

After four series, the show has helped the likes of Dev Patel and Nicholas Hoult become major international stars and also spawned a US version that recently debuted across the pond.

The latest series should also help springboard more rising stars into the mainstream.

As eight new friends start at Roundview College, Franky accidentally challenges Mini’s position as queen bee and ends up being rejected.

Later, she meets Matty, who persuades her to stand up to the bully, but by finding new friends, she inadvertently starts a war with Mini.

The new batch of stars include Sean Teale, Alexander Arnold, Will Merrick, Sebastian De Souza, Laya Lewis, Freya Mavor, Jessica Sula and Dakota Blue Richards – whom you might recognise as Lyra Belacqua from the movie The Golden Compass.

WHETHER a first-time buyer or a seasoned homeowner, with the property scaremongers out in force, finding the right des res can be a bit of a nightmare at the moment.

But with Phil Spencer and Kirstie Allsop on hand, somehow the waters always seem that little bit less muddy. However, in tonight’s Relocation, Relocation, the no-nonsense advisors are tackling one of their biggest challenges to date (haven’t we heard that before?).

They meet Christine and Keith Bettis, who have given up everything they know to follow their dream of running a hotel.

They’re not fussy about where – just anywhere in Scotland will do.

Surely that’s got to take away a little of the sting for Kirstie and Phil, as they’re faced with the task of finding a hotel that combines business potential and a family home.

How hard can it be when the subjects aren’t fussy? Actually what it does mean is that their search area is broadened to a massive 30,000 square miles. The property experts certainly have their work ahead cut out, but if anyone can do it, these two can.

LONG-TERM fans of the comedy Not Going Out will be used to the fact that cast changes aren’t to be thought about too intensely. After all, the first series was all about Lee trying to get it together with his American landlady and best friend, whereas by series two, it was his pal’s younger sister (and landlady) who was the object of his affection.

So, the fact that Timothy West has been replaced by Geoffrey Whitehead in the role of Tim and Lucy’s dad does not need any further scrutiny.

Instead, concentrate on the fact that in terms of laughs per minute, there has probably never been a better sitcom that Not Going Out.

In tonight’s episode, Lucy and Tim’s parents, Geoffrey and Wendy, are separating, which may spell the end of the road for Tim’s cushy lifestyle.

The reason? Well, Geoffrey moves into Lucy’s flat, banishing Lee to the sofa. To get his room back and avoid being thrown onto the street, Lee must now play marriage guidance counsellor to patch up the relationship.