Private Parts: The Trouble With Breasts (five); Larger Than Life: Miss Big And Beautiful (five): BREASTS, the narrator told us, are in our face all the time. This may have been wishful thinking on his part but there's no denying they can have a devastating effect.

Just ask Susan Sykes. "I came down the runway, I took off my top and a man died in front of me of a heart attack," said the woman known for obvious reasons as Busty Heart.

At 40lbs, her 88in breasts are literally a weight around her neck. But she's made a living as an exotic dancer, although I'm surprised she didn't overbalance rather than shake her booty.

They also led to her being accused of murder by someone claiming she'd bashed them with her boobs. I bet the police forensic team couldn't wait to get their hands on the crime weapons.

The Trouble With Breasts was a light-hearted jiggle through a mountain of mammaries with stories to tell. Naturist grandmother Linda Walton told - and showed - how her nipple fell off following a piercing.

Single mum Dawn Woods abandoned her Wonderbra (so called because men wonder where they've gone when you take it off) and had breast implants for her wedding. Unfortunately one split, resulting in pus running down her stomach and a lop-sided chest on her wedding day once the infecting implant had been removed.

Dawn's horror story wasn't the only one as 22 per cent of implants become infected and have to be removed.

Breasts got Rachelle Pantoja in trouble with the law. She posed for glamour photographs while serving in the police force. Rather naively she said, "I didn't think they would publish the topless ones". She left the police for a career in modelling and a boob job.

Unemployed Angel Brammer cashed in on her large boobs by putting them up for auction on eBay. The successful bidder used them for advertising - she wrote their name in felt tip pen across her chest and walked the streets.

Financially, it wasn't good business. She was paid £400 but spent £500 on felt tip pens and travel.

Last night's TV was a bonanza for breast men. There were some pretty big ones on show in Larger Than Life as a beauty pageant for size 18s and over was staged in the US Virgin Islands.

It was run by Kevin and his size 12 wife who had their hands full, in all senses, by keeping the outsize competitors in line. They weren't allowed to drink, smoke, swear or consort with men while on the island. The phrase weighing up the opposition has never seemed more appropriate as they went on TV chat shows, met the public and displayed their treasure chests in the swimsuit section.