Larger Than Life (five); Private Parts: The Trouble With My Vagina (five): Five's updated documentary on three people eating themselves to death was a powerful advertisement for dieting.

Larger Than Life featured three people whose weight - 36, 48 and 53 stone - made life virtually impossible.

John was confined to bed, spending most of his day on oxygen because he had trouble breathing. His body retained fluids. "I'm a water balloon," he said.

Much of Alayna's fat was in her stomach, which weighed 11 stone on its own. She hadn't had a bath for 14 years, left the house in ten or worn clothes in three.

Michael was the lightest of the trio but his story was the most extraordinary. He entered the Guinness Book of Records after slimming down to 188 lbs.

Then he stopped dieting and returned to his old eating habits, ballooning to 65 stone. They had to dismantle the front of his house to get him out and use a forklift truck to get him into the ambulance.

Life was difficult but the sex was good. "All it takes is a good imagination," said John. At which point I imagined it might be like making love to a bouncy castle. Alayna pointed out that "the whole body is useful" in a sexual relationship, although husband John had now filed for divorce.

Seeing these figures lying naked on their beds like beached whales, the thought crossed your mind that they'd be better off dead. And John did literally eat himself to death. He died last September, aged 40.

Widow Gina said that he wanted his story told to help other people. I hope his son Jeremy takes note. At 22, he weighs 25 stone and seems set to go the same way as his father.

And so to The Trouble With My Vagina. Well, not mine, but the women in the Private Parts documentary. I remember the days when a glimpse of pubic hair would cause an avalanche of complaints to Points Of View. But here was a full frontal assault on decency as this particular female part was preened, prodded, penetrated, pierced and put under the knife.

The tone was set at the beginning as the narrator noted that "women can't stop talking about them or playing with them".

Medical experts highlighted the dangers. Remember girls, a frozen banana can give you frostbite. And the women who accidentally sat on a bottle of perfume always makes sure the cap isn't detachable now.

Genital piercings can cause problems too. "You'd be sitting on a bus and getting an orgasm," said one wearer. Another, wearing only a towel, caught her piercing on her dog's collar and ripped it out. Ouch. No matter, the designer vagina surgeon could have put it right.

Or you can take matters into your own hands and improve muscle control "down there" by using a heavy metal pelvisizer. To me, it looked more like one of those elusive weapons of mass destruction than a tush tightener.