The column taps into the delights of a brewery-based bistro in Hartlepool - where the twofor-one meal offer is a real deal.

ANYTHING that turns you on, Ronnie Chambers writes enthusiastically about the Brewery Tap at the Cameron's heritage centre in Hartlepool. "Real ale, good food, decent surroundings."

JW Cameron, known to half Hartlepool as John Willie but probably never once to his face, bought the Lion Brewery, 16 licensed premises and five cottages in 1865. It cost him £408, the lot.

They may even have thrown in a dart board.

Plenty of "heritage", then, though after being sold several times in the last 30 years, "Cameron's" beers are now brewed by Castle Eden, once a few miles up the coast. A workforce which pushed 4,000 now numbers 119.

The heritage centre is opposite the fire station, the Tap - open to all, not just heritage centre visitors - hung with pictures of everyone from legendary Hartlepool boxing champion Teddy Gardner to 1950s Prime Minister Harold Macmillan supping their Cameron's best.

Supermac had doubtless never had it so good; he just looked thoroughly miserable, that's all.

The museum, impregnated (if that is the word) with the heady smell of brewing, offers more of the same. There are indoor quoits boards, bar skittles and, pushing it, shove ha'penny.

There's also a portrait of John Willie and bottles commemorating Cameron's special brews like Royal Wedding Ale and Viagra Pils, the effect of which can only be imagined.

Ash trays, happily, have become museum pieces, too. Both the bar and the upstairs Spiles Bistro are non-smoking.

The bistro, simply furnished, offers two meals for the price of one from Tuesday to Saturday lunchtime - traditional dishes like burger, steak and ale pie and sausage and mash. Less agreeably, inescapably, it also offers Century Radio.

Nothing against Century, or any other station, but it should either be something to be enjoyed between consenting adults in private or relayed through one of those pea-pod gadgets which twothirds of young people now appear to wear in their right ear. A period of radio silence would greatly be appreciated.

The bistro was otherwise quiet until a party of football fans from Basle turned up, a precursor to their brewery tour and, the following evening, the big match at the born-again Boro.

It prompted an inconclusive debate over whether the Swiss capital should be pronounced Barl - as in best-frock dance on Tyneside - or Basil, as in Brush.

There were also a couple of communication difficulties with the waitresses. "They won't have any trouble understanding my chocolate cake, " said the cook, confidently, and the puddings are clearly not just an afters thought.

Brewery gaffer David Soley, a thoroughly agreeable chap, is not only in the habit of looking in for his lunch two or three times a week - "He doesn't pay, we send a chitty across, " they said - but of touring "Cameron's" pubs and standing an extensive round for all those drinking Strongarm. When last did the Guinnesses, Whitbreads or Old Speckled Hens do that?

The Boss had liver and onions, said it reminded her of school dinners and meant it entirely as a compliment. We had the bangers and mash, topped with a couple of onion rings and a lot of rich gravy.

Though there were four sausages, they resembled those you get with a £2.50 breakfast. (The 50 shilling breakfast brigade will understand. ) The apple crumble was terrific - crunchy, piping hot, good custard, manifestly home made - the brandy basket filled with ice cream from the 50 shilling sausage school.

Two meals for two cost a straight £10, all accompanied for £1.80 with an impeccable pint of Strongarm, introduced in 1955 to assuage Hartlepool's thirsty steelworkers and, stainless yet, Cameron's greatest heritage of all.

The Brewery Tap is usually only open during the day, until around 4pm, Spiles Bistro from Tuesday to Sunday lunchtimes. Brewery tours at any time by arrangement, (01429) 868686. Meals can be served downstairs, and the museum is adapted for the disabled.

RONNIE Chambers, who lives in Blackhall Rocks, also recommends the Causeway in Hartlepool and - a mile inland from Blackhall - the Ship at High Hesleden, where we also happened to be the other night.

To the Ship's many virtues may now be added that it's now non-smoking.

Health kick? "I found a burn hole in the lounge furniture, " said Peter Crosby, the owner. "At once I decided that we were packing it up."

PERCHANCE a few days earlier to another brewery tap, the Dipton Mill Inn a couple of miles south of Hexham, past the road off to the racecourse. A little more sedately, the pub has become known for snail racing.

Hexhamshire Brewery, nearby, was founded in 1997, the Dipton its only tied house. It's a lovely, low beamed place, probably even better out in the riverside garden when the sun's out. Real ales - home brew, as it were - include Shire Bitter, Devil's Water and Whapweasel.

The latter is doubtless an acquired taste.

The Good Beer Guide reckons the food "great" and may not be far wrong.

From a short and simple blackboard menu we had a bacon steak with cider sauce, potatoes and vegetables - the sort of sauce that makes you want to run your finger round the plate in order not to miss a drop and a habit for which some of us still get wrong.

The Boss had a "brilliant", two-handed sandwich of smoked salmon, cream cheese and chutney.

With one indulgent bowl of treacle sponge, the Mill till barely tottered past twelve quid.

BORGE restaurant in Stockton (Eating Owt, April 4) had completely chucked the weed, too, leaving us to comment on the waiting staff 's curious habit of ending every question with the word "there".

Robin Brooks in Barningham, Teesdale, claims that such expressions are now common in the retail trade, especially in outdoor goods shops. He blames the Australian surf culture.

At a shop in Harrogate, he was asked if he'd had a hard day. "As it was just after 11.30am, the only possible reply was 'Not yet'."

AYEAR ago we raved about the Village Fish Bar in Frosterley, Weardale, run by Mark Holmes - who previously worked in the officers' mess at Catterick Garrison. Cod and chips (£3.30) the other evening suggested that he's maintained the standard - there can't be fresher fish or better batter. Closed Sundays and Mondays.

BRIAN Shaw in Shildon reports a "superb" fillet steak (£17.50) at Ministers restaurant in Sedgefield, regrets that chips were an additional £2.50 and nearly went off the deep end when he discovered that a bottle of water was £4.50.

Coincidentally, we'd commented on the price of Ministers' water when last there three years ago - "for that you should be able to go down the spa shop and buy a bucketful". It was £4.50 then, too - at least it's not subject to inflation.

. . . . and finally, the bairns wondered if we knew what you call a frog spy.

A croak and dagger agent, of course.