FOR naked cheek you can't beat our beloved politicians. First they admit that all their parties have rewarded donations and loans with peerages.

Then they say that if this scandal is to be done away with, then they will have to have their electioneering financed from other sources. And which sources be they then? Why - you and me the taxpayer of course!

I don't see why we should pay a penny towards their speechifying and blustering, their absurd presentations and party political broadcasts, their empty-headed sloganising and, worst of all, their wretched policies. I used to take a lively interest in British politics, but after the blatant lying and cheating of the last couple of decades I'm tempted to add my name to the list of those who say, "Don't vote for any of them - it only encourages them".

The whole lot of our parliamentarians are sentimental fantasists. In this last week alone I have heard members of all parties declare that, among the miracles they intend to work, they will completely eradicate child poverty, save Africa and abolish all forms of discrimination. Anyone who is vain and stupid enough to make promises like these should be locked up - not in prison but in a secure mental institution where they can receive the best we have to offer in a course of reality-therapy.

Of course they promise to do what they are utterly unable to do, while at the same time they refuse to do that little bit of practical good that lies within their power. I mean, they could support the Private Member's Bill which this week aims to move the clocks forward one hour in winter and two hours in summer. This would mean lighter nights in June and July.

Here in London for instance, it would get dark at half past eleven instead of half past ten. And instead of being rudely awakened by shafts of dawn at four in the morning, it would get light at the reasonable hour of five.

They object that the problem would be in the winter. Then it would not get light until after nine o'clock in the morning. But this is compensated for by the fact that it would stay light until five on a winter's afternoon. But what about road accidents? This is not a problem, for all the research demonstrates that the evenings are more dangerous than the mornings. Ah, but what about Scotland where it already gets light a lot later in the winter than it does in England? Well what about Scotland? They have their own parliament so let them make their own laws and, while they're at it, raise their own taxes.

They claim every day on the radio that religion is in decline and the country is becoming more secular.

This is not true. We have new religious fundamentalisms springing up all over the place. And the trendiest new fundamentalism is the religion of global warming. It's rightly called a fundamentalism because no argument is allowed to count against it.

You say it's warmer/colder/wetter/drier/snowier/less snowy/foggier than ever. It doesn't matter. Every form of weather is cited as evidence for global warming. This new religion is preached with a ferocity far greater than that of the Inquisition. No matter that it's all a fad. It's only a generation ago the scientists were telling us the world was getting colder and we were in for a new ice age.