Out of the frying pan...

THE Albert Square soap is on a roll at the moment with the double whammy of the mystery of evil Archie’s murder and the appearance out of the blue of the mother – and Archie’s first wife – who deserted Mitchell sisters Ronnie and Roxy as children.

Mum’s the word as Glenda (Glynis Barber) disappears again after her lies about her South of France home and financial status were exposed by pint-sized Peggy, who may be fighting above her weight but can deliver a killer punch with the best of them.

But did she bash Archie on the bonce in the bar with the Queen Vic bust? Or even her own equally famous bosom, much exploited in the Carry On comedies.

We’re not about to find out because the producers plan to drag out this particular whodunit until the live episode next month, to mark the 25th anniversary of EastEnders.

Detective Chief Inspector Marsden may think of herself as Walford’s answer to Inspector Morse, but her investigation skills are more akin to those of Inspector Clouseau. Her method is to arrest every Walford resident in turn on the flimsiest of excuses in the hope one of them will confess.

Latest to feel the long arm of the law on his shoulder is chip shop entrepreneur Ian Beale, who’s gone out of the frying pan and into the fat fryer.

He says he’s innocent (of murder if not of over-salting his chips) but there’s the little matter of having thrown Archie’s laptop into the canal. He was eager to get rid of the recording of him and Janine, Archie’s equally evil fiancee, having a sex session (which is enough to put anyone off their dinner).

Janine, having been omitted from Archie’s will, tried to boost her income with a spot of blackmail on Ian. When that didn’t work she told the police about his laptop exploits (and Janine, the naughty minx, knows a thing or two about laptop dancing).

This puts Ian in trouble because there’s CCTV footage of him throwing the computer in the canal from which, in common with Dirty Den, it will rise from the water like Excalibur – and the fact that he sneaked into the Vic on the day of Archie’s murder.

ONE of Albert Square’s former residents, Micky Miller, is doing a spot of ghost-hunting. I Believe In Ghosts: Joe Swash finds the former EastEnder looking for proof, not of who killed Archie, but the paranormal.

The actor, who was crowned king of the jungle in I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out Of Here in 2008, meets Britain’s youngest professional psychic for advice and sleeps in a bedroom thought to be home to an amorous spirit. He also spends a night alone in the Edinburgh vaults, reported to be one of the most haunted locations in the UK.

AS the title tells us, How to Look Good Naked with a Difference deviates from the usual format and is billed, perhaps inevitably, as presenting Gok Wan with his greatest challenge yet because all the women featured in this three-part special have zero body confidence and a disability.

In the first programme, he meets 40- year-old-single mum Tracy Warren, from Leicestershire, who has been using a wheelchair since 2007. She believes her body is disgusting and thinks she can never look sexy in a wheelchair.

It proves as much of a learning curve for him as it does Tracy. She soon learns that being a wheelchair user is not the cause of her body loathing.