Hotel Babylon (BBC1); Miracle In The Womb (C4): DOES anyone normal ever stay at Hotel Babylon?

I ask because the opening episode of the second series rejoiced in a guest list seeking sex and publicity, though not necessarily in that order.

It's a series that's like the expensive-looking hotel itself - all show and little substance, glossy on the outside but ultimately rather dull.

Rapid editing and an inability to stay with a scene for more than 30 seconds tries to persuade us we're watching something far more interesting than we are. There was so much going on it gave me a headache.

Tamzin Outhwaite patrols the corridors trying to keep guests happy. She can sniff out a journalist from 20 paces, meaning she had her hands full as an MP with a cheating husband attempted to dodge the paparazzi loitering with intent to take photographs outside the hotel.

"The Press will do anything to get a scoop," Tamzin told her staff as the saga of the MP, her husband and a lap dancer was played out in the Hanging Gardens suite.

There was light relief involving staff recovering property stolen by a rival hotel which was too tedious for words. Then there was Russ Abbot and Cherie Lunghi as a married couple booked into adjoining rooms, each unaware of the other's presence. She was recovering from a nose job, he'd had a hair transplant. They planned to surprise each other on their wedding anniversary.

I can't say I enjoyed my stay at Hotel Babylon very much. I won't be booking in for another week. Not even Kacey Ainsworth - Little Mo of EastEnders in a previous life - shouting, "Let's make headlines" as a ruthless newspaper woman cheered me up.

Chantelle, who won last year's Celebrity Big Brother, had a walk-on at the end with DJ Chris Moyles - just minutes after I'd pressed the pause on the preview DVD to watch husband Preston from the Ordinary Boys throw a strop on BBC2's Never Mind The Buzzcocks.

The arrival of Simon Amstell as presenter has put a rocket up the bum of this pop quiz. He delights in being rude to guests and normally they take it. Preston took umbrage at Amstell's remarks about his wife Chantelle and walked out. Extraordinary behaviour from an Ordinary Boy.

From rooms with a view in Hotel Babylon to wombs with a view - dreadful link, I know, but it had to be done - in Miracles In The Womb. This was certainly amazing to look at, although at 90 minutes felt a long and difficult birth.

Revolutionary techniques allow us to see foetal odysseys through computer technology, life-like models based on scientific observations, real life endoscopes footage and the latest 4-D ultrasound scans. Instances of multiple foetal development, including triplets conceived on different days and identical twins who are an exact mirror of each other, made sure we had variety.

And intriguing theories were put forward. Like the one that left-handed people might be the surviving half of a vanished twin pair.