So You Think You Can Nurse? (five); Jamie's Chef (C4); Party Animals (BBC2): JANET Street Porter handed the baby back to its mother with the comment, "Thank you for letting me do that, I don't think there's any lasting damage".
She'd just bathed the new-born infant on her first day as an auxiliary nurse. Elsewhere in Barnsley Hospital, comedian Sean Hughes was testing urine and presenter Gail Porter was bonding with patients in the children's ward.
It was only a matter of time before celebrities had a go at nursing, although I'm not sure I'd want to see Street Porter at the end of my bed if I woke up in hospital.
The trio sampled life - and, in Hughes' case, death when he was shown a dead body - in various departments and had a day's training before being assigned to the areas where they'll work for two weeks.
Street Porter is known for her abrasive manner, so has to work hard on her bedside manner. In the labour suite she was appalled to discover the expectant mother hadn't attended ante-natal classes. "And I thought I was the amateur," said the four-times married writer who has no children and doesn't particularly like them.
As she looked for her caring, compassionate side - and was told to stop swearing - the laid-back Hughes was struggling with the pace. It wasn't emptying a patient's catheter that fooled him but putting on the rubber gloves.
For an emotional person, Gail Porter is going to have difficulty dealing with traumatic times in the medical emergency unit and A&E. At the moment she's being praised for her "nice smiling face". But the trailer for the next episode shows her in tears.
Street Porter isn't so much complaining about the state of the NHS as her nurses' accommodation. She refused to share with the other two and is still complaining about the tatty mattress in the single room she was allotted.
Jamie's Chef follows on from the series in which Oliver trained unemployed teenagers as chefs. Now he wants to give one of them the chance to run their own place - turning a rural boozer into an upmarket restaurant.
The first episode to find the four finalists seemed rushed. Or perhaps there weren't enough crises to justify more time on screen. Their last task was to cater at Jamie's birthday party. They were given a tent, £1,500 each and told to create a restaurant for the night. "The only rule - it had better be nice," he told them.
Chef Aaron's wife was pleased with her husband's efforts in the kitchen. "A very nice controlling side which I wish to see in the bedroom tonight," she told Jamie.
The Party Animals in BBC2's new drama are not having a knees-up but are politicians - political party, geddit? - in a tale of betrayal, official reports and liquorice rib ticklers ("have you ever been tickled by a liquorice rib," as Ken Dodd might say).
It's shaping up to be a This Life with politics whose participants don't party into the wee small hours. "A bottle of wine and March Of The Penguins, that's my idea of a good night these days," confessed one.
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