THE ‘phone calls and text messages began within minutes of the MP’s name emerging from the lucky dip for the weekly screaming match of Prime Minister’s questions.

It was the party whips, desperate to “help” the backbencher with their choice of query when they came face-to-face with David Cameron, the following Wednesday.

Perhaps this MP’s “question” could be an attempt to discover whether the Prime Minister is pleased that unemployment is tumbling in their constituency?

Or maybe the “question” could tease out whether Mr Cameron shares the MP’s concern that Ed Miliband will bring economic ruin, or weakness in Europe – or plaque and pestilence, perhaps?

Of course, the MP could ask their own question if they wished - but did they know there’s a reshuffle coming up, with promotions up for grabs?

The events above were told to me by a Conservative MP who, bravely, told the whips to get stuffed and asked a proper question about an important issue on their patch.

However, every Wednesday, it’s painfully clear that many, many MPs cave in and agree to this toadying, brown-nosing and show two-fingers to democracy.

Yesterday’s session was a cracker, as the Prime Minister was ambushed with his own minister’s suggestion that disabled people are “not worth” the minimum wage.

But, every week, Mr Cameron is asked “questions” that are simply devices for him to hurl abuse at his opposite number – and, yes, it was the same when Labour was in charge.

Now, it’s long been accepted that PMQs displays MPs at their worst and that the deafening, bar-room bellowing is a turn-off for both women MPs and the wider public.

I remember John Bercow, the Speaker, protesting that the decibel level “exceeds anything that Deep Purple - the loudest band of the 1970s - would have dreamed of in their heyday”.

However, while accepting many MPs behave badly, this is not the biggest problem with PMQs – not next to the ease with which the Prime Minister evades proper questioning.

Intriguingly, German politicians are currently seeking to steal from our weekly joust, in an attempt to liven up their deadly dull – and widely ignored – proceedings.

Apparently, few Germans are aware their ‘Fragestunde’, or “question hour” exists, and, often, Chancellor Angela Merkel, doesn’t even bother turning up.

The Social Democrat party group leader hailed our PMQs as an “open exchange of blows” to be emulated, adding: “I consider it a highlight of parliamentary democracy."

So, when the Reichstag could soon be ringing with shouts of Ruhe bitte! (order!) and Beruhigen Sie sich, meine Liebe! (calm down, dear!), let’s not beat ourselves up.

Instead, what’s needed is a strategy to deal with the toadying, a power for the Speaker to simply rule out “questions” that are nothing of the sort.

A second idea is for backbenchers to have a “right of reply” – a supplementary question they can throw back at the Prime Minister, if their first one is ignored, twisted or misrepresented?

There may be better ideas. I hope so – because they badly needed. Then I won’t mind if MPs shout.

WAS it me or, as Durham City MP Roberta Blackman-Woods said she had recently returned from west Africa were other MPs shuffling a little further away?