Food with added fun factor

Advertised in local newspapers, the “£49.95 for two” lovers’ menu was rather saucy, and where better to spend Valentine’s night than a place called The Court Inn?

Okay, we’re not courtin’ anymore, having been married for more than 25 years. Thinking about it, they serve less for murder at Durham Prison next door, but the flame of romance still burns bright in our house.

The Court Inn really is next door to the jail so there surely had to be a chance of a lock-in if things went well during the Valentine’s dinner.

It’s a homely, welcoming pub, which has been run by a chatter-box of a man called Lord Trevor Davis for just under a year. More of his lordship later – first to the food and drink.

There’s a sign over the door, saying: “Your diet stops here,” which is fair warning because there’s an incredible range of dishes on offer.

There are also 40 different gins to choose from and my wife, who likes a G&T on special occasions, was tempted by a goldfish bowl glass of the saffron variety. With a delicious pint of Wainright’s cask ale for me, we were already warming to our evening of love.

As we settled at our table, we were treated to complimentary brown bread, serrano ham and olive oil with balsamic vinegar. Very tasty.

That was followed by the starters, with “tender mushrooms tousled with garlic and butter, bedded on garlic toast” for me. All perfectly acceptable.

My wife plumped for – wait for it – “sexy prawns laid with a rampant cock tail sauce”.

Yes, I’m afraid there really was a space in “cock tail” and I couldn’t help wondering if the ghosts of Frankie Howerd or Sid James had been employed to carry on as consultants beyond the grave.

In truth, the prawns weren’t any sexier than normal prawns. Size matters to a mature woman like my wife and she reported the prawns to be on the small side. Mind you, she also said the langoustine perched on the side of the plate was too big to handle, which just goes to prove that women are blooming hard to please.

The sauce wasn’t especially rampant either but, hey, we were enjoying ourselves in an infectious atmosphere.

The bottle of Sauvignon could have been more chilled, and the sparkling water could even be described as warm, but we often have that complaint on our eating out travels.

There were all sorts of suggestive main dishes on offer. I was sorely tempted by the “36DD sirloin steak” – which red-blooded male wouldn’t be? – but instead I went for the “curvy chicken breast with a seduction of wine mushroom and tomato sauce and stroked with mozzarella titillated chips”.

The curvy breast was a touch overdone, I wasn’t especially seduced by the sauce, and I don’t remember being stroked by a chip. Mind you, the chips were quite spicy so I suppose I was titillated to some extent.

My wife ordered the “spicy salmon coupled with a prawn and wine sauce, caressed with peas and chips”. The salmon was beautifully cooked, with a lovely flavour, but there wasn’t a pea to be seen, let alone be caressed by.

Before the desserts, my wife was presented with a red rose by Lord Trevor’s extremely likeable son, Ben, who is a natural with the customers and clearly a titillating chip off the old block.

A charming, easy-going chap, it was Ben who told us that the Durham University Women’s Football Team are regulars. When we asked why, he explained, in a matter-of-fact kind of way, that they’d kept coming back ever since he’d worn a mankini while serving the Christmas menu.

We swiftly ordered our puddings... “pouting strawberries, bedded with meringue and cream” for me; “sticky toffee pudding with an orgasmic toffee sauce” for my wife.

They were nice enough desserts, but I couldn’t help feeling pangs of disappointment when my wife tried a spoonful of her toffee sauce and didn’t yell “Yes! Yes! Yes!” in the style of Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally.

Still, you can’t blame them for trying and the aim at The Court Inn is to serve up a wide variety of decent, freshly-cooked pub grub, without taking themselves too seriously.

Lord Trevor and son Ben have created a cracking atmosphere and, judging by our visit, it’s proving to be a winning formula. They are friendly, outgoing, and good fun, and both the pub and restaurant were buzzing all night.

Lord Trevor – he bought his lordship in one of those auctions – has been a chef all of his life, including a stint cooking for King Faisal in Saudi Arabia, where guests included Margaret Thatcher, Henry Kissinger and that other highly respected head of state, Michael Barrymore.

Lord Trevor hails from Sandbanks in Poole – that’s down South, in Harry Redknapp country – but his lordship ventured North when he met his wife Pat, who’s a born and bred Sunderland lass. Up until taking over The Court Inn, he was mine host at The Copt Hill pub and restaurant at Houghton-le-Spring, which is now in the process of being sold.

“We just love it here in Durham,” said Lord Trevor. “It’s such a beautiful city and we’re trying to make it a place to come to relax, enjoy good food, and be a bit different. We’re serious about what we do, but there has to be room for a bit of fun.”

Being “a bit different” means including the likes of whole roasted squirrel, zebra haunch, bison steak, and llama rump on the menu.

“Won’t that put people off?” I asked.

“Not so far,” came the reply. “It’s about being adventurous.”

The Court Inn is a mixed bag: from Christmas mankinis to rampant cock tails; from curvy chicken breasts to roasted squirrels. As nuts as it might sound, it has a lovely feel about it and the service was among the friendliest we’ve encountered.

It’s worth bearing in mind that everything on the menu comes in half-price portions for children and, if you’re looking for something a bit different, it’s well worth a try.

Orgasmic? Not quite. Titillating? Yes! Yes! Yes!

Food facts
The Court Inn, Court Lane,
Durham City, County Durham,
DH1 3AW
Telephone: 0191-3847-350
Email: thecourtinn.co.uk
Meal times: Breakfast – 9am-noon
Bar menu – 11am to 10.20pm
Restaurant – 6pm-10.20pm

Quality of food: 3/5
Ambience: 4/5
Service: 5/5
Value for money: 4/5