Dracula (BBC1); Is Benny Hill Still Funny? (C4): Someone should send Changing Rooms' Handy Andy round to Castle Dracula immediately.
That place has a real problem with creaking doors. Not one of them opens quietly.
All they need is a bit of oil, but the owner's too busy. He's a late riser. "In the day I am occupied," says the Count, who's what they call a night person. Sleeps all day, parties all night.
But you know all this already. Dracula is one of the most filmed books, so any new production has its work cut out to inject fresh blood into the familiar story.
Writer Stewart Harcourt took liberties with the Bram Stoker original for this latest BBC film version, introducing a secret society - that good old standby The Brotherhood - and syphilis into the already gory mix.
Lord Holmwood faced his wedding day in the knowledge that "this disgusting leprosy", passed on from his infected parents, would put a bit of a damper on his marriage to Lucy. It was a case of no sex please, I have STD.
So when he had to leave to "attend to business" on their wedding night, she knew something was amiss. And that's how she remained - a Miss. "He flinches every time I touch him," she said, flicking through the Transylvanian Yellow Pages looking at entries under Marriage Guidance.
The arrival of Count Dracula on the scene was a blessing in bat disguise. "I only go where I'm desired, where I'm invited," said the vampire, eyeing up Lucy's virgin neck.
And so it progressed with lots of drinking of blood, men acting suspiciously in secret societies, and a very jolly head ripping off sequence.
Hustle's Marc Warren was a scary Count (and his wig was truly frightful) in an atmosphere-laden production that gave Dracula a blood transfusion with deliciously horrible results.
As Dracula climbed out of his coffin, C4 was attempting to revive the reputation of comedian Benny Hill, whose TV star faded under accusations of sexism, racism and any other ism you care to mention.
When Thames TV, for whom he worked for 20 years, axed his show in the 1980s was he a victim of political correctness or did cost-conscious management simply decide that he was too expensive for them?
Is Benny Hill Still Funny? - which presupposes you thought him funny in the first place - carried out an experiment to find out by showing 30 minutes of Hill TV comedy to a modern audience.
The results were interesting if hardly earth-shattering. Their fancies were tickled, their response was positive and the laughter rating high. Women enjoyed his comedy more than men, a surprising outcome considering the accusations of sexism on account of his predilection for featuring young ladies in their underwear being chased by dirty old men.
Mainly, the programme was an excuse to tell Hill's story and show excerpts featuring the aforementioned scantily-clad young ladies. They even hinted of a link between Benny's saucy humour and his father's occupation - selling surgical appliances and French letters.
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