‘It’s what mum would have done’

WHEN Ellis Eddy was told that perhaps, at the age of 12, she was too young to join a charity bike ride of 900 miles from John O’Groats to Land’s End in memory of her late mother, she turned to her father and responded with a poignant reply.

Sitting in the Stockton home he shared with Alison, his wife of 18 years, Phil Eddy, remembers the moment he knew he had to make the journey with his spirited daughter.

“She just said, ‘what would mum have done? I’m my mum’s daughter and I’m going to do it’,” says Phil, 44, a materials specialist with oil giant BP. “How can you answer that?”

Now father and daughter, with Alison’s brother and two friends, are taking on the bike ride, which is planned to be completed on May 3 – two years to the day that Alison Eddy, who Phil describes as “my wife, best friend and mentor” – died of cancer when she was 45.

Before then, Phil and Ellis are making sure they will be up to the challenge by putting in the miles on the spin bikes at their local Total Fitness gym, in Stockton. Not that Phil has any fears about his remarkable daughter’s capabilities.

“It’s our aim to do 60 to 80 miles a day when we’re on the road to Land’s End, but already Ellis is clocking up ten to 15 miles an hour and upping her rate every day. And the amazing thing is that she’s never tired at the end,” says Phil, who is donating all the sponsor money raised to Butterwick Hospice, where his wife died.

“They were fantastic at the hospice.

It’s only a small place, but they deal with so many people, and when Alison went in for the final time, which was for a couple of months, they were caring and professional.

“On the day she died, they made her up and allowed me to spend the rest of the day with her. Mary Butterwick, who’s in her 80s now, is just amazing.”

With the bike ride still months away, Phil’s story has touched so many hearts that £2,000 has already been raised through the donations website (justgiving.com/alisoneddyfightingspirit- butterwickhospice).

AND when it is finished, Phil, who has another daughter, 17- year-old Robyn, believes he will be able to move on with his life.

“I’ve been at such a low ebb and there have been days when some daft thoughts have entered my head, but it’s always been in my mind to carry on for my girls – I live for them now.”

But Phil still has the memories of Alison, who he said turned his life around while he was drifting as a “bit of a jack the lad”.

They began dating in 1986 and were married four years later. Not long after – in 1997 – Alison discovered she had a lump in her breast.

“It was cancerous and Alison chose to have a lumpectomy along with radiotherapy and chemotherapy, and after a year she was told she was in remission. Five years later, the cancer came back in the same breast and she had it taken off this time,” Phil says.

After that came treatment after treatment. “I’d been working in Nigeria and received a call from Alison to say that the cancer had come back, this time attacking her bones.

After I came back we were lying in bed one night when she just rolled over and broke her hip,” says Phil.

So as well as chemotherapy and radiotherapy, Alison needed a hip replacement.

Afterwards, she was told she would always need a stick.

“But Alison was so determined, and she told the surgeon, ‘I’ll tell you if I’m going to walk with a limp or a stick’. And sure enough, she never did,” says Phil.

But despite the treatment, Alison started suffering from headaches, and the family’s worst fears were confirmed when she was diagnosed with brain tumours.

“We heard about this specialist treatment in Huddersfield, and we used to go every month. It seemed to work at first, but then we were told there was no hope and when she died she had three tumours.”

Even in her final weeks, her indomitable spirit shone through.

“She loved the kids and loved life and just didn’t want to die, but not once did she complain or feel sorry for herself.”

A measure of just how much Alison was determined not to let cancer dominate her life was when she did a degree at Durham University while working at Middlesbrough College.

“She was a bubbly and energetic character,” says Phil. “After the original diagnosis, she shrugged her shoulders and went on to gain her degree and become a teacher.”

Phil says there is no history of breast cancer in Alison’s family, but that since her death there has been more tragedy.

“In the past 18 months there have been four deaths in the family, including Alison’s mum and dad, who never recovered from the loss, and the death of a close friend,” he says.

After Alison’s death, Phil says that he and his daughters found it hard to talk about her illness, and that the bike ride was a way for Ellis to come to terms with it.

“She blew us away straight away with her determination to do this for her mum. My other daughter, who’s studying at college, will be supporting us by writing a daily blog and informing everyone of our progress.”

Joining Phil and Ellis will be Andrew Blain, Alison’s brother and Phil’s friend from school; Andy Kelly, a former professional footballer with Middlesbrough; and Becky Dunn, Andy’s girlfriend, who herself is in remission from Hodgkin’s lymphoma.

“We all train together at Total Fitness, doing spinning and weights, but Ellis gets bored just doing a couple of things, so she’s in the pool at lot and on the cross-trainer,” says Phil.

Ellis attends the local Grangefield School, which is supporting the cause – Alison Eddy Fighting Spirit – by staging a number of events, such as non-uniform day, but also by doing the equivalent 900-mile bike ride, in relay, in the school gym.

“It’s just become such a big, important thing for everyone,” says Phil, who is organising other events of his own, such as a Ratpack night with tuxedos and cocktail dresses in a local club.

But the bike ride is the main event.

“It’s something I always wanted to do, but doing it in Alison’s memory and for the marvellous Butterwick Hospice makes it extra special,” says Phil. “And watching Ellis finish will be the icing on the cake.”

Can you speak ‘himglish’?

IN a gentle way of asking her partner to clear up the messy kitchen, a woman remarks: “Look at how many dishes are in that sink.”

Her unsuspecting husband replies: “Yes, there’s loads” – and carries on reading the paper. It’s a classic case of a man not understanding what a woman’s saying – and of a woman not saying what she means.

Men and women speaking a different language is an age-old problem, and writer Jean Hannah Edelstein is putting herself forward as a translator. The 28-year-old American has written a new book, Himglish & Femalese, in a bid to explain to women why men don’t get them, and vice-versa.

She says she’s found that the biggest mistake women make is not asking directly for what they want, because they’ve been socialised to believe that the worst thing you can do is nag a man.

“They also think another cardinal sin is asking for commitment from a man, and as a result, women have learned that the only way to get a guy to commit is to pretend they’re not interested in him.”

Her main advice to women is to state what they want, and think about what they're saying, being careful not to hide their message with unnecessary verbal padding. “Women have to understand how men communicate, and men have to understand how women communicate as well.”

To illustrate, she adds: “Just because a man remarks that he also loves your favourite book doesn’t mean you should start shopping for a wedding dress.

“It means that he loves your favourite book.”

Disaster limitation

HATE the colour you’ve just dyed your hair? So often it doesn’t resemble the colour on the packet, but you’re stuck with it until it fades or grows out.

Until now, that is. Colour B4 by Scott Cornwall (scottcornwall.com) is being marketed as the UK’s first home hair colour remover, meaning home hair colour disasters could become a thing of the past. Colour B4 is available in Regular (to reverse an undesirable hair colour) and Extra Strength (used if hair has received multiple colour applications or a too dark shade) and restores dyed hair without stripping it or causing damage.

Colour B4 quite simply introduces a new era in home hair colouring.

£9.99 from Boots. boots.com

Rocking mums

ANEW website for “cool and independently-minded mums (and dads)”, MumsRock, aims to prove that there’s life after birth. There is not a pastel shade in sight on this modern-minded site, which features a shopping bible to browse more than 100 shops, a reviews and ideas section, blogs and articles by mums and dads, and a “speed parenting”

section. There are also profiles of mothers in business and a forum where parents can chat. Visit mumsrock.com