The subject of death may cause discomfort, yet when it comes to losing loved ones, more and more of us are choosing unconventional forms of tribute. Women's Editor Sarah Foster meets Denise Nesbitt, whose company caters for this trend.

WHEN she thinks back to the sad times when her own parents passed away, Denise Nesbitt can't help but feel regret that things were far from being ideal. Her mum and dad were both cremated, as they'd said they'd like to be, but all in all, the two experiences did not come up to scratch. Now, with the benefit of hindsight, she can see just what was wrong.

"I felt as though there wasn't anything appropriate for me to remember them by," says the 51-year-old, from Liverton Village just outside Saltburn. "Yes, the ashes were scattered at the Garden of Remembrance at Teesside Crematorium in Middlesbrough but I have no links with Middlesbrough. When you lose somebody, it's the life you remember - the laughs you had and the joy that the person signified. This was something that afterwards stayed at the back of my head."

For many years Denise had been a primary teacher. Her specialist subject had been art - she says she's always been creative - and when she ceased to work in schools, she started painting by commission. Another service she began was making stationery to order. "I do stationery for weddings, christenings and special events and I've always had a reputation for the more unusual," she says. "People come to me if they want something different rather than buying something off the shelf."

The business kept Denise absorbed, and as the funerals of her parents slowly faded in her memory, she came to terms with what had happened and put aside her disappointment. Then she received a new inquiry and it make her think again.

"I was approached by a lady who wanted something for her husband who had died," she explains. "I went to see her and had a really good talk to her, got a good feel for this man, his life and everything he stood for. I suggested a watercolour of his favourite place on the moors."

The end result of this discussion was that a painting was produced - but not just any random picture that you'd see on someone's wall. Denise was eager to ensure that it reflected the man's life, so added many subtle touches that were pertinent to him. "He had a passion for owls - he was a real enthusiast - so I had a moon in the picture and within the moon I did a silhouette of an owl," she says. "I actually wrote a poem in the clouds in the sky, and the song they had at his funeral was The Walk of Life, so I put a path through the moors with a couple of words from the song on it. It was to give the painting some other role, so it wasn't just something to look at, it was for the woman to get some comfort from."

Such was the praise she received from both the woman and her family that Denise began to think of doing other work for the bereaved. Unsure of how she'd be received, she sought professional advice. "I went and visited the local funeral directors just to see how they felt about this as an alternative memorial and I got really good responses from all of them - the regional director of the Co-op endorses my work," says Denise. "From there, taking it further as a business, I did my market research and found that there was about a 33 per cent increase in people wanting alternatives to what's out there. That led me to contact the Natural Death Centre in London."

Set up to offer people choice, the centre acts as a resource promoting many different options, including woodland burial sites. Denise was honoured to attract a clear endorsement for her work. "They produce a book called The Natural Death Handbook and when the new edition comes out I'll be in it as a memorial artist," she says.

Since that first painting of the moors, Denise has branched out in new directions. On top of pictures for the wall she now makes many other things. "I've had a group of people who have come to me and given me what they wanted to say and I've noted it in a book of sympathy," says Denise. "If you give me a collection of photographs of the person I can do a photographic montage with poems, sayings and favourite songs. For woodland burial sites I've produced some calligraphy on a wooden plaque and I've done memorial cards for people at the funeral."

What is important to Denise is meeting all the family's needs, so those who often are ignored - such as the cousins or the aunts - can have an input in the tribute. She'll even write a person's eulogy and at the relatives' request, will read it out so they don't have to. "I've done several eulogies," she says. "I've been to a couple of funerals where family members have stood up and just completely broken down, but when I do it they're not as upset so it helps with their grieving process."

Denise's fundamental wish is that her tributes are appropriate, so she is happy to discuss whatever notions people have. She knows her attitude is key and feels equipped to handle grief. "Having taught for many years and dealt with families, I feel as though my interpersonal skills are up to par when dealing with people who are grieving, and obviously with the fact that I have lost family members I can empathise with them," she says.

Where Denise attempts to be of use is through her emphasis on life - she takes the view that death should be seen as merely fleeting - and then the family can move on.

"Doing all the market research has really made me examine my own attitude and my own beliefs about dealing with death," says Denise. "I think the memories that we have of our loved ones are what become our comfort and support, and if I can help other people, then it's a comfort to me."

www.livingmemorials.co.uk,

01287-644932.