Talking to children about the birds and the bees

But because it's not a statutory part of the national curriculum, sex education in primary schools is patchy - which leaves the worrying possibility that children will learn about sex and relationships from other ill-informed children.

The Government is currently looking at whether personal, social, health and economic (PSHE) education, including sex and relationships education (SRE), ought to be made statutory in primary schools - and new research suggests parents think it should.

A Sex Education Forum survey of parents of children aged four to16 found the overwhelming majority want important aspects of SRE to be taught in primary schools, with schools teaching a balanced curriculum that helps pupils understand their bodies, appropriate behaviour, and online safety.

More than three-quarters (78 per cent) of the parents surveyed wanted their children to learn about the difference between safe and unwanted touch and how to speak up if someone treats them inappropriately, while 72 per cent of parents felt primary schools should educate children on what to do if they find online pictures showing private body parts or are asked to send them.

Almost two thirds of parents (64.5 per cent) want primary schools to teach basic, medically correct terms for sexual organs such as vagina and penis, and 65.5 per cent agree that primary pupils should be taught about puberty before they start to experience changes to their body.

The coordinator of the Sex Education Forum, Lucy Emmerson, says: "This research clearly indicates that most parents want primary school pupils to be taught age-appropriate information about a range of sex and relationships topics.

"Our experience shows that when schools explain to parents what exactly will be taught in SRE classes, their support for this teaching is even more emphatic."

Official guidance currently states that primary school pupils should learn about the physical and emotional changes experienced during puberty, and how a baby is conceived and born. But schools are not obliged to teach about sex and relationships beyond the science behind reproduction.

And while the majority do, to varying degrees, an Ofsted report last year found that SRE required improvement in more than a third of schools. Ofsted said this was leaving some children unprepared for the physical and emotional changes of puberty.

In primary schools this was apparently because too much emphasis was placed on friendships and relationships,

Ofsted pointed out that the need for improvement was a particular concern because failure to provide high-quality, age-appropriate SRE may leave young people vulnerable to inappropriate sexual behaviours and exploitation.

Emmerson says: "The Government has said it thinks SRE is important and should be age-appropriate, but there's no obligation for schools to do it, and there's a fair amount of confusion among schools about what they're supposed to do.

"The variety of provision even within one area is extraordinary."

The Sex Education Forum survey found seven out of ten parents would welcome help and support from their child's school about how they can talk to their child about growing up and related issues.

"Children have said they want to learn about sex and relationships from their parents and from school and other reliable sources," says Emmerson.

"Our research shows that parents want to have those discussions with their children, but often fail to do so because of their own embarrassment or lack of knowledge.

"So poor sex education gets passed on from parents to children, and if the reliable information isn't provided at school, of course children will pick up messages from other sources, be it friends, the internet, soap operas or advertising.

"What children tell us over and over again is that there's nobody to talk to them about these issues."

She says that at primary school age, there are certain subjects that shouldn't just be left until a child brings them up themselves, such as the difference between safe touch and unwanted touch, and how to get help.

"That needs to be told to every child in a simple, basic way that they'll understand," she says, "because if you wait to explain such issues, you may have waited too long.

"Adults will feel deep regret if they don't take a proactive approach to make sure their children get information in good time."

The Ofsted report also found that SRE teaching wasn't good enough in 42% of primary schools, with too many teachers lacking expertise in teaching sensitive and controversial issues. This resulted in some topics such as puberty and sexuality being avoided.

The Sex Education Forum survey found 80% of parents thought teachers needed relevant training, although Emmerson points out that it's important for parents to understand what's meant by SRE. It's age-appropriate, she stresses, and should grow with the children, starting with basic discussions about different types of family.

"If SRE was statutory, I think it's very likely that we'd start getting teachers trained in the subject," she says.

"A trained teacher will know how to use words that are age-appropriate and to start at the right level.

"There's nothing to be afraid of, but it does require skill. A teacher that hasn't had support to do this well is going to be in the same situation as parents who feel they can't start these conversations because they feel embarrassed.

"And right now, because it's not a statutory subject, teachers are not arriving at primary schools trained as SRE teachers."

She says primary schools should have a clear policy about the way they teach all things to do with sex and relationships, and parents should be able to see how this is done.

"Children want to know where babies come from, and what's going to happen as their body grows and changes. They love some of the science behind it, and you can deal with a lot of it without talking about the actual act of sex - children will indicate when they've had enough information.

"We worry such a lot about how we should do this in schools that we end up not doing it at all, and that's the worst thing we can so, because we're failing to talk about normal human development in time, before children experience it themselves.

"SRE helps us find a way of talking about things that can otherwise remain dangerously silent."

For more information, visit sexeducationforum.org.uk