Bling, big cars and big boobs don't bring happiness

Jane Park, for instance, had the terrible bad luck to win £1million on the lottery when she was just 17. Being a fairly typical 17-year-old, she spent it on bling, big cars, big breasts and a holidays and now says it ruined her life.

“I wish I had no money most days.”

Well, that’s easily solved, isn’t it?

There are plenty of organisations who would love to have some of the money that’s causing her so many problems. Ten minutes with the chequebook and her life would be back to as it was before the lottery ruined it – except, of course, for the big breasts and the properties, the latter, at least, a decent investment for anyone however young.

Camelot offered help and advice with the win. Presumably Jane, now 21, had family who tried to talk some sense into her. If she didn’t listen, there’s no one else she can blame for being a daft teenager.

Even though the law considers an 18-year-old to be mature, sensible and adult, we all know that money and teenagers don’t mix very well. Just look what happens with pop stars and footballers, even though they have plenty of advisers trying to tell them what to do.

If we allowed people to have lots of money only when we thought they could deal with it sensibly, then we’ve have to put the minimum age for buying a lottery ticket up to 21, 25, or 30 or 50…

It’s not the money that’s the problem, it’s the people who have it.

I could almost have felt sorry for Jane – we’ve all been young and daft in different ways – until I read that instead of giving this terrible money away, which would solve her problems and a lot of other people’s too, Jane is apparently suing Camelot for letting her buy a ticket in the first place.

So, what’s she planning to do with the compensation?

MANY thanks to Joyce Aspey who emailed after I wondered what to do with the bottle of rosewater that’s been lurking for years at the back of my cupboard.

“It’s supposed to be very good for the complexion,” says Joyce.

Maybe. But I fear it would take a lot more than one small bottle to do me much good…

YOU thought all Italian children behaved beautifully in restaurants? Wrong.

Italian children can be just as objectionable as British kids and their parents equally indifferent to their little darlings’ pain-in-the-bum antics. So much so, that after some restaurants tried banning children altogether, another in Padua, is taking a different approach.

The owner is offering a discount to well behaved children. If your children behave like civilised human beings instead of feral extras from a horror movie, you’ll now get 5% off your bill.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if British pubs and restaurants copied this idea?

Even better, of course, if parents actually made their children behave when out in public.

TOM JONES and Priscilla Presley? Why not?

Pictures of the couple out and about seem to show that yes, they are a couple.

She’s 71, he’s 76, they’ve known each other for about 50 years, so there can’t be that many secrets. They’ve lived similar lifestyles and know all too well about life in public.

Just like any couple facing old age, they want to share a life with someone they’re comfortable with. Even the rich and famous need someone to come home to.

NOW she’s escaped Downing Street, Samantha Cameron has launched her own clothes range for busy, working women. Seems nice enough, especially if you’re tall, thin and rich. It includes a T-shirt for £110.

It reminded me of the time I saw a very nice T-shirt in a sale in a posh shop in the Borders. £14. Oooh, I thought and went in. Luckily, I noticed, just in time, that the ticket actually said £140... in a sale.

And I trudged back to Marks and Sparks and got one for a fiver– I know my place.

MEANWHILE, Harrods is now selling bottled water for £80. It’s made from icebergs in Svalbard, one of the world’s last wildernesses, halfway between Norway and the North Pole – which seems an awful long way to go for a drink of water.

Apparently it tastes like “snow in the air” – which is a sign for most of us to rush home for some nice hot soup.

The rich are entitled to spend their dosh on anything they like, of course, but this seems particularly crass.

Still, if people are prepared to pay £80, maybe Harrods could charge them £100 instead – and bung the extra £20 to WaterAid which might help people who are literally dying for lack of clean water – and probably aren’t that bothered about whether it tastes of snow.

SO, Prue Leith, 77 tomorrow, will be the new presenter of Bake Off following the move to Channel 4.

Like Mary Berry she has a life time professional cooking experience and a liking for bright jackets. We don’t know about soggy bottoms.

But she once memorably said that “Once you’re over 52, food is more important than sex,”

Which could also explain why her new husband lives in his own house a mile down the road from hers….