HONESTLY, you try and do your best and it just comes back to bite you on the bum.

That’s what you get for trusting the experts… About ten years ago I was persuaded to buy a diesel car – I know, I know, how dumb was I? – because experts told me it was better for the environment. Of course, I trusted them.

True, the car was more expensive to buy than the petrol version, but diesel was cheaper than petrol and got far more miles to the gallon. The sums sort of worked.

And diesels had changed. Instead of the noisy, sluggish, industrial diesel engines of the past, the new generation were quiet and zippy. My 2.2 diesel hatchback was very zippy indeed and still managed nearly 50mpg. I loved it.

What’s more, I drove it surrounded by the holy glow of virtue because it was pumping out far less CO2 than petrol cars. All was well.

Then the cost of diesel went up faster than the cost of petrol. Ah. But I knew my car was cleaner because the government was charging me only £30 a year vehicle tax – less than a quarter of what I’d paid for my old petrol estate.

So if the government wanted me to do it, it must be the right thing to do, mustn’t it?

I’m now on my third diesel car. And you know the rest of the story.

Diesels are suddenly the devil of the motoring world. Apparently they pump out more nitrogen oxide and dioxide which are lethal pollutants.

So why didn’t we know that ten years ago?

Paris and Tokyo have already banned diesel cars built before 1997. Other cities including Oslo, Madrid and Mexico are bringing in some sort of limitation on diesel cars.

London diesel drivers are probably going to have to pay an extra £10 on the congestion charge and Westminster Council is charging 50% more for diesels to park.

You can be sure that other councils won’t be far behind.

Diesels are now the devils of the driving world.

So I bet that £30 car tax won’t last long. I’ll be paying yet more for diesel and, of course, my current car will be worthless when I try and trade it in. About two balloons and a goldfish if I’m lucky. Any chance of a scrappage scheme? I’m not holding my breath.

No, of course, I don’t want to drive a car that helps kill people. But I didn’t think I was. The experts who told me I was doing the right thing ten years ago are the same people telling me I’m just one step down from a murderer now.

Their mistake – that I’ll be paying for.

I’m looking for another car that’s cleaner, greener, safer.

And, of course, I’ll take expert advice, just as I did ten years ago, because the experts are always right… POLITICIANS make many sacrifices in their work – family life and privacy being usually the worst.

But spare a thought for Theresa May at the White House when Donald Trump suddenly seized her hand and hung on for dear life.

Give you the shivers, doesn’t it?

TRAIN companies are going to be banned from selling us extortionate railfares. Given plenty of time, the internet and a dash of criminal cunning, it’s fairly easy to hack your way through the jungle of ridiculous fares – some three times as high as one half an hour later, First Class cheaper than standard, two singles cheaper than a return etc etc.

Virgin East Coast must already have a guilty conscience because when I was researching fares at the weekend a little message popped up saying “You can do this more cheaply” Gosh.

But spare a thought for the Newcastle footie fan who bought train tickets for him and his girlfriend to watch his team play Oxford in the FA cup. He saved £30 and had a heap of 56 separate tickets for his journey.

After all that effort, they never saw the match because his girlfriend had a fall and they spent the afternoon in A & E. And Newcastle lost.

When your team’s out of the cup , it’s a long way back from Oxford – even on a cheap ticket.

YORKSHIRE Bank’s slogan is “We care about here, ” often accompanied by soaring pictures of moors and dales.

They’ve just announced they’re closing 79 branches.

Their website says “We’re proud of where we come from and how we help the people who live and work here. We’re close to our customers because we care about here.”

Unless you happen to live in Richmond, Ripon, Guisborough, Pickering, Norton, Ripon or 71 other communities soon to be without a Yorkshire Bank… Here today, gone tomorrow. So much for caring.

PETER Capaldi is dematerialising after three years as Dr Who and the search is in for his successor. A number of look-alike young chaps are in the running.

Former Minister for Women Harriet Harman, who fought for all-women shortlists for selecting parliamentary candidates is – of course – insisting that the next Dr Who should be a woman, with Miranda Hart the best bet.

But let’s not be ageist, if we’re going to be egalitarian about it, shouldn’t the new Dr Who be not only a woman but OLD? Give it to Joanna Lumley.

Just think what fun she’d have with the sonic screwdriver.

TO get children to eat foods they don't like, experts suggest that you should make the eat them every day for 15 days and then they’ll quite like them.

But if you could get them to eat kale/sprouts/liver/fish every day for 15 days then you wouldn’t have had a problem in the first place, would you?

Experts...