SIMON COWELL and his partner, Lauren Silverman, took their nine-day-old baby Eric for a day to the beach – along with four tents, five sunshades, security guards, assistants, friends, helpers and Cowell’s two Yorkshire terriers.

As Cowell was photographed with a gaggle of skinny bikiniclad young girls, Lauren lay on a sunbed and fed the baby in the full glare of people and cameras.

And I bet really she wished they were just at home together, slopping round in her jimjams in glorious, scruffy privacy...