New Year’s resolutions for families

PARENTS usually have good intentions – and never more so than at new year. But if you can’t decide what the best new year’s resolution is for your family, the experts have plenty of ideas to help – starting with the very basics of what sort of parent you’re aiming to be.

Lorraine Thomas, chief executive of the Parent Coaching Academy, says: “The most important question you can ask yourself in 2011 is ‘What kind of a mum or dad do I want to be?’ We often say what kind of parent we don’t want to be – tired, stressed, shouting, impatient, but we rarely step back and think about how we do want to be.

“If you know what your most important goal is as a parent (perhaps to be calm or positive or fun), then you’re taking the first and most important step towards achieving it.”

If your goal is to be calm, then the resolution from Lynn Chesterman, chief executive of the Grandparents’ Association, might be worth taking on board.

“Remember that we can all have arguments, but these are adult arguments – don’t use the children as pawns in any argument.

And we can all learn how to say sorry, even if it’s for upsetting the children.”

As well as not upsetting the kids, try not to expect young kids to be too grown-up, says Margaret Morrissey, of the Parents Outloud campaign group.

“Remember, a four-year-old in most countries is two years away from mainstream school, so don’t expect them to be grown-up now they’re in ‘big school.”

“They’re still very, very young and should be having a rest in the afternoons, not learning to write. Promise not to be the parent who has pressured their child into being burned out before they leave primary school’.”

Whether they think they’re grown-up or not, there will always be times when kids behave badly – and parents need to try to understand that when they do misbehave, they’re probably just being like all the other kids of their age.

NSPCC parenting advisor Eileen Hayes recommends: “Remember, at every age, when you’re finding your child’s behaviour challenging, that it’s quite likely to be in the ‘not naughty but normal’ category.

“This is true of toddler tantrums, or teenage moods – they aren’t behaving like that to get at you.”

Perhaps such families need to communicate better, and agony aunt and parenting educator Suzie Hayman suggests that resolving to spend more quality time together might help.

“Two resolutions I’d like to see every family take are to have a family games night at least once a month, or even once a week, playing board games round a table so you can chat and laugh and share the fun.

“Have the evening meal round the same table at least four times a week, preferably every night, so you can talk and enjoy each other’s company, knowing if you can talk about trivia in the good times, when the crises come you can talk about serious stuff too.”

That serious stuff includes talking about where babies come from – and parents shouldn’t be afraid to tell them.

Lucy Emmerson, principal officer at the Sex Education Forum, says: “We want parents to make a new year’s resolution to start talking to their children about sex and relationships. Children are interested in where babies come from and what makes boys and girls different from a very young age. So don’t worry – it’s natural for children to be curious and ask these questions.”

Sex isn’t the only thing children are curious about, and Elizabeth Lumsden, community safety manager at the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents in Scotland, suggests some new year’s safety resolutions might be a good idea for parents, so young children’s curiosity doesn’t become dangerous.

“Make sure that every looped blind cord in the house is tied up every day, check the smoke alarm is working every week, and replace the battery in the smoke alarm on someone’s birthday every year.”

But being a family isn’t just about looking after children, and Siobhan Freegard, founder of the social networking site Netmums, suggests parents should resolve not to give themselves such a hard time next year.

“This year I’ve seen so many mums feeling guilty about their everyday ‘failures’ – not always managing to give their kids their five-aday, not finding enough time to play with their kids, and on and on.

“So my suggestion is to stop counting our failings and every day stop to think about the things you did right for your kids: the fact you got them up, washed, dressed, fed and loved is, in itself, something to be proud of.”

Danielle’s baby blues

TV presenter and model Danielle Lloyd talks about overcoming post-natal depression following the birth of her first baby.

TV presenter and model Danielle Lloyd looks a picture of happiness as she sits playing with her five-month-old son Archie at her home.

It’s hard to believe that just a few months ago she was suffering postnatal depression.

Danielle, former Miss England 2004 and Miss Great Britain 2006, gave birth to Archie in July.

“I adore being a mum now and love Archie to bits, but it was so hard at the beginning,” she says quietly.

“Everyone thinks having a baby is the most amazing thing to happen – and it was, but I just didn’t feel that overwhelming love that you expect to get.

“I felt so guilty, upset and confused because I couldn’t understand why in those early days I wasn’t bonding with him in the way I felt I should. It made me feel really down about myself.

“I became totally housebound and didn’t want to leave the house or even get out of bed. It was awful and it took me quite a while to realise what was wrong,” says the 27-year-old.

“I have a tattoo on my back in Latin that says ‘what does not destroy you only makes you stronger’ and that’s so true. I’m a really strong person and I’ve had to be as I’ve had so many falls in my life.

“But I’m still here and I always pick myself up and carry on.”