Scientists are now saying that global warming is causing the Polar sea ice to retreat 45% more than usual in the summer months. This, they think, has caused the ‘jet stream’ to migrate much further south than normal, dragging a succession of low pressure systems behind it to bring us wet and windy weather. Summer in Cockfield this year consisted of a week in March, a week in May and last weekend!

It is, quite frankly, getting beyond a joke when the only way you can tell it’s summer in Cockfield is because the rain is warmer but, we’re a hardy lot and I think we make the most of any sunny days; or so I thou It alwa akes me smile when I see someone with a nice tan and they say, "I didn’t sunbathe, I was under the brolly all holiday but you still tan under it!” NO YOU DON’T! You tan while you’re walking around in the sun or sitting on you’re balcony first and last thing but you cannot tan whilst undercover. This is why people get ‘white marks’, those bits are undercover, which is why I thought Mrs Blog’s comments on Saturday night were a bit bizarre.

The missus had been sitting in the garden all day on Saturday, reading a book as it happens; you know the one… 50 shades of sh*te! Anyway, as she was engrossed in the sexploits of Mr. Grey, she hadn’t bothered with any sun cream, indeed, she was wearing a loose fitting top, leggings and a pair of fancy flip flops and didn’t think there was any need for a factor 30. When we came back into the house, at about 6.30pm, I heard a shriek from the bathroom. Mrs. Blog had gone for a shower and when she’d taken her flip flops off, there, in her feet were a perfect WHITE imprint of the aforesaid footwear. “I can’t understand it!” she says. “I wasn’t sunbathing!” WELL THE SUN DIDN’T KNOW THAT, DID IT?

My mate, John Davison, had a rare weekend off work and had gone for a couple of early pints before returning to his parents house for lunch. Now, John is what you might call ‘a bit pasty’, he’s whiter than a pair of Snow White’s knickers and so, after he’d fed his face, he decided to have a couple of hours laid out in the sun. The drink and food had taken their toll and John fell sound asleep dreaming of the fabulous golden tan he’d have when he woke up. Unluckily for our hapless hero, his mother saw him asleep and went out and covered him with a blanket. BLESS!

I quite often have a look at Ken Cook’s, Copley weather site and it’s interesting that he says some of the best weather in Teesdale is in the autumn. I can’t wait!