Once upon a time, I saw a client who was looking to divorce his wife. I asked him the reason but was taken by surprise when he told me that their whole marriage had been dictated by the state of their bed and there was now no choice but to bring the relationship to an end.

Was he sure, I enquired, suggesting that perhaps it might be less painful to change the bed.

“No,” he said, “It’s the mattress you see. When we were first married we had a spring coil version and we bounced along together happily. Then a few years back, we changed it for memory foam. Now she never forgets; I’m harangued day and night for everything I’ve done and everything I’ve not done.”

“Well if that’s the case, surely a change of bed will help,” I persisted.

“Oh, we’ve done that,” he replied, “But we got a waterbed this time and I can’t sleep on it because every time I fall asleep she tries to drown me!”

Oh dear, do you think it would have been more civilised if they had simply drifted apart?