MARK TWAIN once famously said: “The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.”

In the North Yorkshire fishing village of Staithes yesterday, that could also be said by retired publican Trevor Readman.

The 77-year-old grandfather decided his funeral would be too good a party to miss – so instead held it while he is alive and kicking.

Mr Readman arranged it himself in the pub he ran in Staithes for 15 years – and even had his own coffin made.

A New Orleans jazz funeral parade wound its way around the car park of the Captain Cook Inn while Mr Readman lay in his “coffin”, which had been made by a regular in the pub.

A horse, complete with funeral black plumes, pulled his coffin to the pub in a carriage, which was followed by dozens of jazz-loving “mourners”.

“I had some of the great, old New Orleans tracks,” said Mr Readman.

“There was Closer Walk, Dinky Ramble, and When The Saints Go Marching In.

“I couldn’t see much of the parade as I was in the coffin, looking at the sky.

“But it was great. The only shame was the trumpeter couldn’t play because he’d broken his false teeth the day before.”

In the end, a three-man band led the group into the pub and played on while friends and family toasted Mr Readman, who has been a jazz fanatic since the age of 13.

The widower’s wife, Betty, who he describes as “the best wife in the world, lent to me from heaven for 55 years”, died three years ago.

He explained he was in full health but just didn’t want to miss out on the fun, despite paying £75 for a buffet, £120 for the musicians and £40 for the horse and carriage.

“It was all my idea,” he said. “I wanted it to be fun and, when I really do go, I want that to be fun as well.

“The pub is packed today and it was only a little bit disconcerting when someone told me ‘your funeral is the best thing that has happened here in ages’.”