I'VE had all the vaccinations and I'm taking the pills, so I should be fully immune to the football fever which is sweeping the country. If I feel the slightest urge to watch England v Trinidad and Tobago I will go and lie down in a darkened room for a month.

Any kindred spirits aware that there are other sporting events taking place this summer can rest assured that this column will be a World Cup-free zone. It might even touch on croquet now it has been taken up by that champion of the working classes, former shop steward John Prescott.

Doubtless several billion pounds worth of fireworks will illuminate the pre-World Cup fanfare, confirming how right Prince Philip was to dismiss opening and closing ceremonies at major sporting events as "absolute bloody nuisances." The Duke of Edinburgh might have committed a few gaffes in his time, but this wasn't one of them.

Sadly, what should have been huge double bill to rival the World Cup fare next weekend - Elton John at Durham CCC followed by Asafa Powell v Justin Gatlin at Gateshead - has been devalued by Gatlin's withdrawal.

This was no great surprise. Rather like the recent non-appearance of Mike Tyson in Newcastle - although Evander Holyfield was no mean substitute - there was always a suspicion that Powell v Gatlin at the International Stadium was just too good to be credible.

While it will last for less than ten seconds, the meeting of the joint 100 metres world record holders remains the most eagerly anticipated clash in athletics. It was still being advertised on ITV on Monday, but Gatlin had announced the previous day he would not be coming, awakening memories of how Coe and Ovett used to avoid each other in the 1980s.

Gatlin claimed that when he agreed to take part he did not know who would be in the line-up, but hopefully his Jamaican rival will treat a capacity crowd to such a blistering performance that the American never has a sniff of the world record again.

WHILE David Coulthard played the part of Superman at the Monaco Grand Prix, Michael Schumacher proved he really is the pits. Most of the world's great sporting achievers are ruthlessly competitive, but when single-minded determination steps beyond the line into the area of gamesmanship then the cheat deserves to be pilloried.

Just as drug cheats make a mockery of sport, so do those who deliberately flout the rules to impede their rivals. Everyone in Monte Carlo other than the seven-times world champion seemed adamant that he had faked an accident during qualifying to impede Fernando Alonso, who was on a fast lap and destined for pole position.

Schumacher claimed he had made a mistake, but given his previous record for grossly unsporting behaviour he should now have his driving licence withheld under the totting-up procedure.

What of Coulthard after his first podium finish for three years?

Will it herald a glorious resurgence or will the red cape he donned to climb the podium prove nothing more than a red rag to his Red Bull team?

WHILE Mathew Tait showed touches of his undoubted attacking brilliance for England against the Barbarians, it was his tackling which proved he is no longer a kid to be tossed around by bullying posers like Gavin Henson. Hopefully they will meet again next year.

It was also good to see from his two tries that the other North-Easterner involved, James Simpson-Daniel, still has the flair and ambition to overcome his various setbacks and become an England regular.

It was thought the Teessider might make an outside centre, but that's the position earmarked for Tait, so he'll have to settle for the wing. They could become a very exciting duo if England's coaching shake-up produces more quick ball instead of last season's stodgy fare.

But the physical element is an essential part of the game, so let's not go down the route of uncontested scrums as recommended by an eminent doctor this week. There is no harm in alerting people to the increasing danger of serious neck injuries as forwards grow bigger and stronger in the professional era.

But, as with boxers, they know the risks they take and it should be the individual's choice.

BARNARD Castle golfer Rob Dinwiddie, mentioned here last week after adding the English amateur strokeplay crown to the Welsh and Scottish titles he won last year, remains a triple champion. He was due to defend the Welsh title at Southerndown, near Bridgend, last weekend but the weather was so foul that not a ball was struck.

Not that it would have bothered Dinwiddie, as he proved in winning in the wind and rain at Ganton.

He is well used to combating the gusts which howl down Teesdale.