DEATH and taxes seem remote possibilities alongside the absolute certainties that a moronic motorist will get stuck in the River Wear after heavy rain and the English sprint relay team will drop, or fail to hand over, the baton. And what a surprise that Mark Lewis-Francis was involved.

This is a man who for several years has been heavily funded in an effort to persuade him to realise his undoubted potential.

He and Dwane Chambers were supposed to become the golden boys of British sprinting, but the former already had a reputation for under-achieving at major events before his ban for taking drugs, while the latter has become a laughing stock.

Lewis-Francis was disqualified in the semi-final of the 100 metres at the Commonwealth Games for a false start, then seemed to mistime his run when trying to receive the baton for the final leg of the relay.

No, I haven't forgotten that three of this team won Olympic gold two years ago. But that success, coupled with the superb efforts of Kelly Holmes, merely glossed over the decrepit state of British athletics.

The government receive a fair amount of stick for their reluctance to provide funding, but the question is do people like Lewis-Francis deserve it? Or does the money and the whole support system make him complacent?

The relay farce wasn't totally his fault because it transpired that the team had not even practised their hand-overs in Melbourne, which takes some believing given their track record. It has also been pointed out that it's only March and British athletes gear their training to peak in summer. But that really is no excuse for such a lamentable lack of preparation, and the coaches must share the blame.

We have Lord Coe to thank for bringing the Olympics to London in 2012, now we must ask him to forgo sleep for the next six years in order to oversee our athletes as well as putting everything else in place.

When Coe graced the track he was coached by his father, who came armed with little more than a stopwatch, common sense and dedication, rather than fancy theories about ergonomics.

ENGLAND'S worst athletics performance at a Commonwealth Games for 40 years would have been slightly better had it not been for an appalling lack of sportsmanship by a female Australian runner.

The English women's 4x400 metres relay team easily won their event, but after allowing third leg runner Natasha Danvers-Smith to switch positions prior to receiving the baton Australia's Nicola Sanders objected afterwards.

It did not affect the result and it seems some of the Australian team were embarrassed about it.

On the other hand, it was a technical infringement and again it comes down to the coaches for not making certain their athletes knew the rules.

ENGLAND might as well go to the crease armed with a broom as a bat if they are going to persist in sweeping their way to destruction as they did in the first one-day international in Delhi.

For all their improvement in proper cricket, the world is much more excited by the crash, bang, wallop variety of the game and 12 months from the World Cup England would rank no better than sixth in the betting.

Duncan Fletcher seems to have an obsession with finding a pinch-hitter at the top of the order. The experiment with Geraint Jones went on far too long, now he's trying Matt Prior.

The Sussex wicketkeeper is not international class, but if he's going to play he might as well don the gloves because he clearly can't catch without them. And Jones' runs seem to have dried up.

IT WAS good to see two golfers getting monkeys off their backs this week. In Jean Van de Velde's case his win in Madeira was his first since he went paddling in Carnousite's Barry Burn in the 1999 Open, but Stephen Ames needed only to wait a couple of weeks after his 9 and 8 humiliation by Tiger Woods in the Accenture World Matchplay.

Ames won the Players Championship in Florida by a remarkable six strokes but said he might not take advantage of his automatic qualification for next week's Masters because he was planning to take his family for a holiday in his birthplace of Trinidad. Or perhaps he knows that if someone wins by six strokes at Augusta it's likely to be Tiger, especially now the course has been lengthened to a ludicrous 7,445 yards.

COME Wimbledon, Tim Henman will have to beat a few small fry before attempting to repeat his Miami magic of toppling Lleyton Hewitt and Marat Safin. When he then met unknown German Simon Greul he dropped only four points in winning the first set 6-0, but somehow contrived to lose the match. Greul then lost in three sets to Andy Roddick.

Despite his fluctuating fortunes, Henman has given good service to British tennis, which is not something we are likely to be able to say about Alex Bogdanovic, who has decided he is not mentally prepared to face Serbia and Montenegro in the Davis Cup. Perhaps he should be sent on an SAS training course with Mark Lewis-Francis.