GIVEN that four-goal fightbacks have helped to elevate Steve McClaren's profile, it would be interesting to know what he truly thinks about England going to the World Cup with one crocked striker, one half-fit, one awkward beanpole unproven at the highest level and a bairn barely out of nappies.

For all Sven's THEOries about young Walcott it is amazing that a man who spends bucketloads travelling thousands of miles to watch football matches should pick someone he hasn't seen play.

Theo is the great nephew of Clyde Walcott, the West Indian who became the first batsman to score centuries in every match of a five-Test series. He was famous as part of the Walcott, Worrell, Weekes triumvirate, but the only other Ws Theo will have around him are the two Waynes, Rooney and Bridge.

The former might advise him to stuff his boots with betting slips to guard against broken metatarsals; the latter would tell him to avoid end-of-season shindigs at nightclubs where Premiership rivals are present.

There has inevitably been much talk of other sporting prodigies who made their mark at 17, such as Pele, Boris Becker and Sachin Tendulkar. Theo apparently has great athleticism and level-headedness among his attributes, but given the level of defensive organisation in modern football I fail to see how a 17-year-old who has yet to play in the Premiership can be expected to test the world's best.

WHENEVER people start talking about their name being on the cup you can be pretty sure it isn't. It has become a common reaction when teams enjoy good fortune in a knockout competition, accompanied by optimistic references to omens.

But they forget that luck tends to even itself out. The headlines after Middlesbrough's UEFA Cup semi-final win emphasised that lightning had struck twice in the same place. The dice, therefore, were unlikely to roll in their favour in the final.

This was most apparent when they were shockingly denied a cast-iron penalty with 15 minutes left. Had Boro equalised then the late goal glut might again have gone in their favour. Instead the rapier was thrust even deeper when they immediately conceded the second goal and the rest was sheer cruelty.

A 4-0 defeat looks embarrassing, but the circumstances meant there was far less reason for red faces than in the 4-0 home defeat by Aston Villa in January. McClaren has transformed his own standing inbetween and those who question his tactics in committing his side to all-out attack too soon surely forget that was how Boro reached the final. Fortune favours the brave, but not always.

ATTEMPTS to break the monopoly of the round ball in Leeds will not be helped by the football club's threatened return to the Premiership following the rugby club's relegation.

Given the parlous state of the club two years ago, it will be a commendable effort by United if they beat Watford in the play-off final, but the Tykes' demise adds weight to Rob Andrew's claim that rugby's top flight should be ring-fenced.

The counter-argument is that all clubs should have the chance to emulate Worcester, but Leeds' relegation leaves Sale and Andrew's Newcastle as the only northern clubs in a league featuring four from London.

Having struggled to attract more than a few hundred fans to Headingley during their rise to the Premiership, Leeds had established a good fan base over the last three years, during which they won the Powergen Cup.

Their academy has also produced more players at England youth levels than most clubs this season, but while Harlequins were able to hang on to their players during their one year in division one, it seems the vultures are circling over Leeds and there is to be a mass exodus.

This is the sort of nightmare Andrew fears after working so hard to establish the Falcons as a well-supported club with excellent facilities and a production line of high quality players.

GIVEN our liking for toilet humour, Spurs have become the butt of a thousand jokes following last weekend's food poisoning. Other than wondering why on earth they needed to stay at a £400-a-night hotel in Canary Wharf before a game against fellow Londoners, they have my sympathy. Early suspicion centred on a lasagne, but not all the afflicted players had the same meal and other hotel residents were unaffected.

Perhaps an Arsenal fan among the catering staff doctored the food, just as the All Blacks claimed to have been poisoned before the 1995 Rugby World Cup final in South Africa. The time cannot be far away when all professional teams will take their own chefs everywhere.

A NEW book by respected boxing writer Bob Mee, called The Heavyweights, gives details of everyone from Henry Akinwande to Dave Zyglewicz. It includes Chuck Wepner, who on the day of his 1975 fight against Muhammad Ali bought his wife a negligee and told her she would be sleeping with the world champion that night. When he returned with a face like a blind cobbler's thumb his wife asked: "Is Muhammad coming here or am I going to his place?

Published: 12/05/2006