Daniel O'Hare was 19 when he took his own life. His mother tells Lindsay Jennings why the family hopes a campaign for the Samaritans will encourage young men to talk about their problems.

THERE is a photograph of Daniel O'Hare on the mantelpiece of the family home. It shows him sitting proudly and protectively next to his adored younger brothers, Matthew and Ben.

Daniel's mother, Shirley Smith, goes to collect more photographs and returns with a bound book, a tribute to Daniel. There are pictures of him laughing at the camera; hugging his cousin Sarah at a wedding and looking handsome in black tie and sunglasses with his friends on his school prom day. It has been almost a year since Daniel died, but the pain still bubbles away beneath the surface, some days worse than others.

"I can't look even at some of them," she admits, returning the album to the dining room table.

Daniel was only 19 when he took his own life. There had been no signs of depression or mental illness. He had had an on-off relationship with a girlfriend but had appeared to be living life to the full. He loved his football and was a season ticket holder at Newcastle United, going to every home game with his step-dad Dean and brother Matthew. He played for two pub teams and enjoyed working for his uncle, running the website and processing orders for an alternative remedy business for animals.

In common with many families whose loved ones have taken their own lives, Shirley and Dean have searched every part of themselves over the past 12 months for any signs that they may have missed. But there were none.

"If there had been a sign, we just wouldn't be sitting here now," says Shirley quietly. "He was just so witty, so funny. He had an absolutely wicked sense of humour. He adored Matthew and Ben and his cousin Sarah. There was a hero worship on their side and they never fought, they were just really, really close.

"He enjoyed going out with his friends and his mates played a really strong part in his life - some of them still call around now and that's really important to us. The telephone was always ringing before, there was always somebody at the door, the music was playing and then we went to total silence."

Dean, Shirley, Matthew, now 11, and Ben, now six, had gone shopping in Durham on March 28 last year. It was Easter Monday. Daniel had been out the night before and had decided to stay behind at home in Great Lumley, near Chester-le-Street. After all, adds Shirley, what 19-year-old wants to traipse around the shops with their mum and dad? The family were gone most of the day and returned to find Daniel had hanged himself. There was no note.

"There was just the 'if onlys', the 'whys'. Why didn't I do this? Why didn't I realise," says Shirley, her eyes filling with tears.

The day they found Daniel, the family moved in with Shirley's sister, Julie Garner and her daughter Sarah, now 13, who also live in Great Lumley.

"Daniel and Sarah were so close, they were like brother and sister," says Shirley, 40. "When we moved in, Julie gave Matthew and Sarah a couple of note books and said 'look, write what you want in them, their yours'.

"It was probably the second night they had them and they'd been talking among themselves. The wristbands were very popular and Daniel was very into them. They just said they wanted to do a wristband with Daniel's name on."

The family were introduced to Julie's neighbour, Suzanne McIvor, who worked as a North-East marketing manager for the Samaritans.

The children decided they wanted the wristbands to be part of an awareness campaign for the Samaritans, warning young men, in particular, to talk about their feelings, and brought the idea up with Suzanne. They came up with the slogan - If You Care, Share.

"The kids said they didn't want anybody to go through what they were going through," says Shirley. "Suzanne was just completely taken aback by their courage and what they wanted to do."

In the meantime, Suzanne was a constant support, helping the family cope with the trauma they had endured.

"When it first happens, you're not aware, you're just going through the motions," says Shirley. "It's so hard to explain... it's an aching and a rawness that's just so intense and your head's so scrambled with so many things. You're scared to shut your eyes, you forget to eat. There may be a day when you don't want to talk about anything but somebody else does and if you don't want to talk, then that person ends up bottling it up. So if Dean wanted to talk about things and if I didn't Suzanne was there and she was there for the kids as well.

"Just being able to talk to someone who wasn't attached - you could be totally honest with how you were feeling because the initial response when something like this happens is just to close down, and you want to go and join them, and you question every single thing.

"There were days when I was just curled up on the settee and Suzanne stayed all day. There were others when I didn't have to say I was having a bad day, she just knew."

The family took the difficult decision to move back into their home at the end of June last year.

"We used to come back to the house now and again and we decided we had to try. It's been hard, for the kids especially. I don't know what we'll do but at least we can say we've tried," says Shirley.

One of the first fundraising events they organised was a football match between Daniel's friends and Dean's team. It raised £7,000 in one day.

The fundraising has continued and the campaign has been backed by rugby star Jonny Wilkinson and Little Britain comics Matt Lucus and David Walliams. Sales of the green and white wristbands have topped £30,000, and they've had a great response at football matches throughout the region.

Dean, 35, who co-owns a financial advice business, is running the London Marathon in April and is three stone lighter as a result of his training. He has been filmed as part of a BBC documentary, Run For Glory, and hopes to raise £10,000. All the money raised as part of the campaign will be used to fund Samaritans' youth projects in the North-East.

"The whole community knew Daniel and it has been something they've all got behind," says Shirley.

But the main focus is to raise awareness. "We're just trying to encourage young people to talk about their problems," says Shirley. "It's given us something positive to focus on. For me personally, it's been a distraction to keep my mind busy and it's also our way of saying thanks to the Samaritans for what they've done for us.

"Sometimes, although it doesn't change anything, talking about the way you feel and letting the lid off can ease things a little."

The campaign also means that their son, brother, grandson, cousin - all the things Daniel was to the people who loved him - will never be forgotten. "Daniel was such a huge part of our lives," says Shirley. "We know his name will not be forgotten. If we can help one other person, so they don't have to go through, as a family, what we have, then the campaign will have been worth it."

How you can help

For more information about the If You Care, Share campaign or to buy a wristband, log onto www.ifucareshare.co.uk

The wristbands cost £1 each.

There is also a website containing poems and messages in memory of Daniel at www.daniel-ohare.co.uk

For confidential support 24 hours a day contact the Samaritans on 08457 909090 or visit its website on www.samaritans.org.uk