Blackpool's blue with pollisses and numb with cold. It is not, so far as may be ascertained, because Lancashire Constabulary has heard of the Benfield Bovver Boys but because Labour is holding its Spring Conference at the Winter Gardens. They are there to protect Mr Blair's majority.

There are more signs of winter than of spring. The thermometer barely edges above zero, the sky's the colour of the tank-top Tower, Gipsy Rosa-Lee and Gipsy Lavinia - "Today only £5, both palms" - wait vainly for unforeseen visitors, fortunes uncertain and assets frozen.

The surprise isn't that much of the promenade remains open for business - 20 sticks of rock for £1, 50p off kismet hats - but that it's still patronised.

A sole horse-drawn landau stands glumly on the Golden Mile, an occasional tram trundles trembling past the somnolent Central Pier.

With Labour again on its doorstep, Blackpool Council is urging it to spend £88m on modernising the tramways. "They are an icon," Sunderland councillor Tom Wright tells the Blackpool Gazette by way of trans-Pennine solidarity.

It's the last 16 of the FA Vase, Squires Gate against Newcastle Benfield Bay Plastics, formerly Benfield Saints, of the Arngrove Northern League.

While they are doubtless grateful for the sponsorship, Benfield's progress to the fifth round has been a problem for the headline writers. Bay Plastics go marching in doesn't have the same ring, somehow.

Formed in 1988 as a pub side called Heaton Corner House, they joined the Northern League in 2003, were promoted in their first season, are now managed by former Hartlepool United striker Paul Baker and play on the Sam Smith's ground.

Contrary to bibulous belief, this owes nothing to the brewer of the same name and everything to the chap who dreamed up Rington's Tea, a beverage no less popular on Tyneside.

Squires Gate was once the name of Blackpool Airport, though the ground is officially at Marton, immediately adjoining the home of Blackpool Wren Rovers and just half a mile from Blackpool Mechanics.

All three clubs play in the North West Counties League. It's a bit like the Primitive and Wesleyan Methodists used to be (and in one or two cases, still are.)

NWCL secretary Geoff Wilkinson remembers Squires Gate, known simply as the Gate, as the only ground on which he was sent off. "The ref were a vicar," he recalls. "I didn't think he'd even know the word I called him."

The match at Wren Rovers has been called off because of a frozen pitch, though it doesn't stop a Scottish visitor from spending 15 pre-match minutes there before realising he needs to be next door.

Nearby, there's also an historic cottage in an area known as Blowing Sands. Though it's about a mile inland, a plaque records that at 11 different periods in history it would have stood on the sea shore.

If all of these flood warnings are to be believed, the sea shore will shortly have shifted to Preston. Some of the residual sand is on the Squires Gate pitch; it's been a hard winter.

Though Blackpool, now managed by Bedale lad Simon Grayson, are at MK Dons, the crowd cannot be more than 250. You can tell it's the last 16, it's when the horns get an airing. The Plastic band, as perhaps the visiting supporters may be called, numbers about 50.

Gate open the scoring after two minutes, Benfield goalkeeper Andrew Grainger apparently unsighted, club chairman Jimmy Rowe evidently unperturbed.

"It's just a gipsy's warning," he says, as if direct (both palms) from Madame Rose-Lee.

Manager Baker wears the sort of elegant top coat usually seen only in Hepworth's window, gaining additional warmth by strenuously reminding the referee of the perceived error of his ways.

The ref discerns a Squires Gate offence after 20 minutes, Michael Chilton nonchalantly equalising from the resultant penalty. It's so gloomy they switch the lights on soon afterwards; Blackpool illuminated.

The crowd's subdued - they can hardly sing "One team in Blackpool" - though Benfield are no brighter.

"We'll wake up in the second half," forecasts Benfield committee man Stan Gate - not to be confused with Squires Gate - and so it proves. For 20 minutes Squires Gate are all at sea, so it's almost inevitable that it's they who score after Grainger fumbles a free kick.

It remains 2-1. Meltdown for Plastics as Another Paper rather neatly observed. They're staying overnight, spirits doubtless lifted by a night on Tinsel Town, Gated no longer.

Better fortune entirely for Crook Town, 1-0 winners at Arnold Town in Nottinghamshire and watched by former England amateur international Bobby Davison, their victorious captain in the twice replayed 1954 Amateur Cup final.

"My thumb's still sore from signing autographs, they kept calling me a legend or something," reports Bob, now 83 and long in Derbyshire.

"He's still sharp as a tack, an amazing feller," says Crook chairman Stephen Buddle.

"It's not me mind, it's me gammy knee," says Bob.

Kimblesworth lad originally, Bobby played for several Northern League clubs - his solitary cap was won while with Shildon - and was a widely travelled cricket professional in the summer.

Delighted at the victory, he wasn't over-impressed. "I couldn't believe what I was seeing, the ball was in the air about 90 per cent of the time. Half the field was empty, everyone out of position; they don't pass it like we used to do."

Crook are now at home to Bury Town - Bury St Edmund's - in the quarter-final on March 4. Bobby will be back on home territory. "The Crook fans were fantastic," he says. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."

In Darlington town centre, where he's helping supervise the pedestrian heart operation, we bump into recently retired Darlington and District Cricket League president Brian Dobinson, aged 51.

He last appeared hereabouts in September, having hit 116 not out - his best score in 41 years club cricket - in Haughton II's last game of the season.

Sadly, the physio has confirmed that he really should retire undefeated. "The knees just can't take it any more," says Brian, before some orthopaedic detail with which readers need not be troubled.

He's philosophical. "I suppose," says Brian, "it's really not a bad way to go."

Still with cricket, Martin Birtle in Billingham has been reading Gideon Haigh's book "Ashes: the Greatest Series" on last summer's unforgettable adventures.

Martin was thoroughly enjoying it until he got to the chapter on the second Test at Edgbaston, sub-headed "Australia won by two runs."

"Is this the proof reading error of all time?" he wonders, "or is history being re-written already?"

Gideon Haigh is Australian.

Friday's obituary on John Sproates stirred fond memories for former Northern League centre half Arnold Alton, now in Heighington.

John, Easington Lane lad and elder brother of long-serving ex-Darlington player Alan Sproates, played twice for Barnsley and had a long non-league career with the likes of Scarborough, Gateshead and West Auckland.

He was also Bishop Auckland's manager when Arnold arrived in 1971-72, the signing on fee somewhat unexpected.

"John was a Farley's rep and gave me about two years supply of baby food, rusks and things, for our then newly-arrived daughter. It was very much appreciated at a time when we had nowt. John was a very nice man."

And finally...

The only two European footballers of the year to have managed Premiership sides (Backtrack, February 10) were Kevin Keegan and Ruud Gullit - both at Newcastle United.

Bill Moore in Coundon, to whom we remain most grateful, points out that nine of English football's 92 have "Road" in the name of their ground but only three have "Lane" - Bury, Notts County and Sheffield United - and only one has "Street".

Who is it?

Back up familiar streets on Friday.

Published: 14/02/2006