MEN - no matter how well intentioned - shouldn't try to be thoughtful because they just get themselves into trouble. Let me try to explain...

My wife's sister is about to emigrate to New Zealand to start a new life.

It's going to be an emotional time because she and my wife are very close and she's been a huge part of the children's lives.

"Can I have a hug?" Max, aged eight, keeps asking his Auntie Hazel. "Mum says I've got to get as many hugs as I can before you go because I'm running out of time."

We wanted her to have something special to take with her as a reminder of us all. So when her birthday came along a few weeks before Christmas, we told her to choose a piece of jewellery.

She opted for a lovely silver ring with six little gold daisies to represent us and the four kids. How sweet. It was sent away to be made in the right size and we decided to have it engraved without her knowing.

The engraving had to capture the moment and we agonised over what it should be. Eventually, we settled on "Only a day away."

It's what the sisters keep saying to each other whenever they get tearful about the impending departure: "It might be thousands of miles but it's only a day away."

The ring was to be collected just before Christmas. In the meantime, my wife had casually mentioned that she liked a different ring in the same shop.

It was then that I had a brain wave. I secretly telephoned Auntie Hazel, suggested she might like to buy her sister the ring for Christmas, and what about getting it engraved with a special message?

She loved the idea but wasn't sure what the engraving should be.

"What about 'Only a day away'?" I suggested. Clever eh?

"Perfect," she agreed.

And so the plot was set. They'd both end up with rings with the same poignant message, reminding them that they're only a 24-hour plane ride apart.

I have to admit that I felt rather pleased with myself. Smug even.

That was until Auntie Hazel called at the jewellery shop to collect her ring.

"No, no, this is wrong," she protested, oblivious to the sub-plot. "You've made a terrible mistake - that engraving was supposed to be on a ring I've ordered for my sister."

It rapidly took on the proportions of a French farce.

The shop assistant - unaware that a colleague had taken a separate order for another ring engraved with the same words - called the manager who couldn't explain what had happened but offered to have a new ring made.

"You won't believe it - they've engraved the wrong bloody ring," whispered Auntie Hazel in an exasperated telephone call to me. "They're having to make a new ring."

"No!" I screamed.

Like I said, men shouldn't try to be thoughtful. They just make a mess of things.

I had no choice but to intervene and explain the full story to all parties: "It seemed like a good idea at the time," I said, apologetically.

In the end, the sisters both got their rings and I doubt they'll ever take them off.

We'll all miss Auntie Hazel because she's been a very special part of our family.

But what's important to remember is that the other side of the world really is only a day away.

THE THINGS THEY SAY

A post-Christmas conversation...

Dad: "Max, can you lend me a tenner?"

Max, aged eight: "Sorry, Dad, Mum's borrowed my last £50."

THE THINGS DADS SAY

NIGEL Clough, manager of non-league Burton Albion who held Manchester United to a draw in the FA Cup at the weekend: "It doesn't bring me as much pleasure as taking my kids to school and being there to pick them up in the afternoon."

THE THINGS THEY WRITE ABOUT THE BIBLE

"The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals."

"The seventh commandment is that thou shat not admit adultery."

"The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten amendments."

"When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager."

"Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption."

Published: 12/01/2006