'I wanted two brides on the cake'

EVERYTHING is in place. The register office has been booked, the vows have been agreed, the celebration afterwards has been organised. It seems the preparations are complete and nothing has been left to chance.

But there is one thing that appears to have been overlooked. "I don't know what we'll be known as," says Jay. "We won't be Mrs and Mrs, but neither are we Miss."

"We can't be Miss any more," agrees Judy. "I've been married before so I'm already Mrs, but the question is, what will our titles be? I suppose we'll be known as Ms." Jay's not so sure. "They might have to think of another title for people in a civil partnership," she says.

Tomorrow, Jay Chilton and Judy Thompson will make history. They will become one of the first gay couples to register their civil partnership, sharing their special day with Elton John and his partner David Furnish, as well as former EastEnder turned MEP Michael Cashman.

Civil partnerships will finally achieve the most longed-for aim of gay rights campaigners: putting gay relationships on the same legal footing as straight ones. Gay couples who register their partnership will be granted the same pension rights, will be treated the same for tax purposes, will have the same housing and tenancy rights and will be treated as each other's next of kin.

At a stroke, the law removes the prospect of being unable to visit a partner in hospital because their family disapproves, of being forced out of a shared home because it was in the deceased partner's name, of being denied the same pension rights as a widow or widower, issues which were an ever-present threat to gay couples, and a reality for many.

Jay Chilton and Judy Thompson will be one of six couples in Darlington and dozens across the North-East registering their partnership tomorrow, the first day it is possible in England. But although it is a first, it will be their second exchange of vows in just a few months.

"We had a commitment ceremony planned for September 3, and the registrar said the law was changing and did we want to hang on," says Jay, 44, who works for Sure Start in Stockton. "But everything was organised, all the invitations were done, the hotel and cake and entertainment was booked and we had already paid for everything."

The commitment ceremony, with Jay's niece Natasha as bridesmaid, went ahead as planned at the St George Hotel, near Durham Tees Valley Airport, with an exchange of vows and rings in front of around 100 guests, although it had no legal standing. It was this desire to make it official which prompted Jay and Judy to follow their September ceremony with a civil partnership.

"It is the legality and the pension rights and being considered equal to heterosexual couples and not being discriminated against," says Jay. "It is the next logical step. We made our commitment in front of all our friends and family and if we didn't follow through with this step then somehow it would almost make a mockery of that."

'We have had friends who have been in partnerships for years and the other partner died and unfortunately she didn't have a leg to stand on financially," adds Judy, 52, who works for outsourcing agency Capita in Darlington. "The family weren't very supportive and there was nothing legal to help her."

Tomorrow's affair will be more low key than their commitment ceremony. There will be just around ten guests and they have already exchanged rings, although the vows will be broadly similar and their celebratory lunch will include the middle tier of their three-tiered wedding cake.

"We could just have signed the partnership register and not had the ceremony, and we didn't really plan to make that much of it, but then we thought, 'Why not? Let's get another new outfit'," says Jay.

"I don't think it means more, because September 3 really was the 'marriage' thing for us, but this is the completion of that process, and I do see it as a legally binding commitment."

"I never thought this would happen and I'm just pleased we're able to do it now," says Judy. "It also means we're going to have two anniversaries."

Although some gay rights campaigners have been pushing for gay couples to be allowed to marry, this isn't an issue for Jay and Judy. "I don't really like it when I hear people say 'gay marriage', because I don't think it's appropriate," says Jay.

"It is about recognising us as a couple, regardless of what sex we are, whether we're two guys, two women, a man and a woman. Marriage is the heterosexual thing, that is how it has always been, and for me a civil partnership is fine.

"I don't see gay couples wanting to mimic that relationship. It is different, it is not the same but it is equal. We are a couple, we're committed to each other in the eyes of the law and our friends and family and that is the most important thing."

But she is equally keen that civil partnerships are not entered into lightly. "People really need to be careful and think about what they are doing. It is serious, it needs some consideration and it's not like, 'Let's have a party'," she says.

Judy had been married before, but had been separated for two years when she met Jay on a training course five years ago. "My ex-husband was lovely. He's dead now, but when he was alive he met Jay," she says. "It was a register office with him, but this time it was the best thing ever."

But not everything has been plain sailing. The couple went to wedding fairs before their commitment ceremony and found companies had been slow to respond to the looming civil partnerships.

"It was really quite uncomfortable because everything is for the bride and groom," says Jay. "I went into a wedding shop and asked if they had any figures for wedding cakes. She said there was a bride and groom but I said I just wanted two brides."

"It was quite hard to find a card that didn't say bride and groom," adds Judy. "And I'm looking forward to seeing more gay couples in the newspapers, instead of just the bride and groom."

But even though it will be their second ceremony in four months, they're both aware of the additional significance to their words tomorrow. "It is going to be a special day, it is making history," says Judy. "It is the icing on the cake, the final commitment, being recognised as the same as everyone else. For me, it is being able to say I love somebody, and show how much I love them by my commitment."

"It is the icing on the cake," agrees Jay. "It does feel a little strange, exciting as well. It is an historic day, and we just want to be recognised as a couple legally."