The rich and famous splash out on millions of pounds on their parties - but would you really want to be one of them?

GOSH, it's great not to be rich. Such a relief. There's David Beckham earning £47,000 a day - a day mind you, which is a bit of a jump from when footballers got £20 a week and their bus fare home. All this money flowing through the door every day, it must be tricky to know how to spend it. No wonder you hardly ever see him and Victoria without an armful of carrier bags.

"That's £10,000 we've spent babe. Only another £37,000 to go today..."

Then in New York, a proud father spent £6m on his daughter's 12th birthday party and bat mitzvah. He hired Tom Pretty, Aerosmith and the rapper 50 Cent.

The 300 guests each received a party bag worth about $1,000, which, I guess, possibly held more than a plastic puzzle, a bit of squashed cake and a balloon.

But if he does that for her 12th birthday, what on earth will he do for her 18th? Or 21st?

Just think of those sleepless nights he'll have, wrestling with problems that you and I will never have.

Meanwhile, Athina Roussel Onassis married Brazilian Doda de Miranda at the weekend. When she was 18, she inherited £1.5bn, which when millionaires are, so to speak, two a penny, is still a seriously impressive amount of dosh.

The couple signed an agreement giving him no claim to the money she had before the marriage. But she's 20. When she's 21, she gets to control the Onassis Foundation, worth squillions. Ah.

He's 32. They are both would-be Olympic riders. They might indeed have a long and happy life together with a strong shared interest and no money worries. He might truly love her for her smile and her personality and would be just as happy in a tiny apartment as in any of her many homes around the world.

But, unlike the rest of us with more modest amounts of money, she'll never really be sure, will she?

There's something to be said for being poor.

THE Government is apparently hoping to raise the age for buying cigarettes from 16 to 18. Why?

We already have laws banning the sale of alcohol to under 18s, yet we all know that any night in any town centre you can see much younger teenagers drinking themselves senseless. There is barely a handful of convictions a year - so that's a really effective law.

We have laws banning sex with under 16 year olds, yet we know that young teenagers are at it like rabbits and increasing numbers of children as young as 12 are becoming pregnant, often with older partners. Yet prosecutions are rare. So that's another really effective law.

Instead of messing on trying to raise the age for buying cigarettes - which won't make any difference to the spotty little urchins skiving off school and chain smoking on street corners - it would be a bit more use if the Government actually helped police enforce the laws we already have.

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