iT'S always fun at Faisalabad. It was there that Mike Gatting had his infamous slanging match with umpire Shakoor Rana, now we have had a Test with more sideshows than a travelling circus.

Never mind the exploding Pepsi cart or the mystery of Inzamam-ul-Haq being run out without leaving his crease, the real talking point is the Pakistanis' apparently compulsive cheating.

The extremely gentlemanly Tom Graveney observed 17 years ago that they had been cheating us for 30 years and it seems they still can't help themselves, even though they want us to play them in five-Test series instead of three.

Shahid Afridi's one-match ban for his Dirty Dancing act in an effort to scuff up the pitch did not deter them from running down the pitch in their second innings to scuff it up some more. A third such misdemeanour would have seen their wrists gently slapped with a five-run penalty, which is ludicrously lenient.

In cases of cumulative cheating such as this the umpires should have the power to impose a penalty which can do some serious damage within the context of the game, in this case at least 50 runs. Had that caused them to lose it might have reduced the Pakistanis' liking for chicanery.

It is surprising the Pakistani authorities do not clamp down more heavily on the cheating in an attempt to avoid real animosity as they are keen to attract more touring teams in various sports, along with any tourists who accompany them.

ANY more nonsense from the Pakistanis could leave England feeling friendless on the sub-continent as they are already embroiled in a dispute with the Indian board over the itinerary for their tour in March and April.

They are considering playing two practice games in Pakistan en route to the first Test in Ahmedabad because the warm-up venues they have been offered are not acceptable. One is at Agartala, which has never staged a significant match and where the main hotel's rooms cost less than £5 a night.

With three Tests and seven one-day internationals to follow, England are scheduled to play at only one of India's top ten venues. When India next come here we should send them to Seaton Carew, where Dickie Bird once walked off during a county second team game because it was too cold.

NOT surprisingly the Pakistanis were a little dischuffed when Ian Botham once said their country was a good place to send the mother-in-law. Unsurprisingly the Sky commentator was planning to escape the country at the conclusion of the Test to celebrate his 50th birthday yesterday in India.

The sort of liquid refreshment he would probably favour is not generally available in Pakistan, but his main reason for flying to Bangalore is an invitiation to take part in a golf tournament featuring international cricketers from around the world.

Botham at 50 continues to pack more into his life than most of us can even dream about. He has always liked a drink, but unlike certain other superstars he has never let it get the better of him or interfere with his determination to make the most of every minute.

A FEW weeks ago I expressed the wish that the presence of experienced overseas centres would not keep James Simpson-Daniel and Mathew Tait out on the wing. Both have since been exhibiting their skills in the centre, in the former's case at the request of the England hierarchy, so it's good to know that some clubs are prepared to put the national interest first.

Simpson-Daniel, the middle of three talented rugby-playing brothers from Yarm, is now in the England team to play Samoa tomorrow as the search begins for a skilful ball-player who can unlock defences.

The danger is, as confirmed by last Saturday's sheer warfare with the All Blacks, that professional rugby's inevitable march towards magic being annihilated by muscle has reached its conclusion. Doubtless there is still room for flair to raise its head against the weaker nations, but if England meet New Zealand in the next World Cup final don't expect any centre under 15st to light up the occasion.

Thankfully, Dan Carter again proved on Saturday that a skilful and visionary fly half can still find just enough room to influence a game, and if he's still around in 2011 the All Blacks will surely win the World Cup in their own backyard.

Not that they should have been awarded it. Our RFU voted for Japan, but the rest of the old school network stuck together, just as they did in awarding the 2007 event to France with a few games in Wales, Scotland and Ireland, who then opted out.

THERE were 39,707 at Sunderland last Saturday to witness yet another defeat for a team whose only hint that they are capable of Premier League survival came in the 2-0 win at Middlesbrough, who attracted 27,599 for Sunday's win against Fulham.

How can the club with around 40 per cent more support be the less successful? Some will blame the manager, but ultimately it has to come down to the difference between the two chairmen.