'I can't escape from HIV - but maybe you can'

Q How aware were you of the risk of HIV from unprotected sex?

A I was aware that there was a risk but I didn't apply it to myself and the people with whom I was sleeping. I thought that HIV infected people would look different somehow and that I would know they had it. But saying that, I only had unprotected sex whilst under the influence of a good night out so all thoughts of safety disappeared and a sense of invincibility kicked in. It wasn't until the next day that I would realise what I had done and reason it away with thoughts of 'Well he can't have it, he's only my age, only older blokes who have been sleeping around for years have it'. I now know that my age group has the highest number of new diagnoses, possibly due to the drinking culture and the lack of knowledge that they are at risk.

Q Should the Government do more to warn people about the risk of HIV transmission?

AYes, definitely. I remember the Aids adverts of the eighties - they scared me even then and even at the age of five or six I knew what it was all about: how you caught it, how it was spread because my mum always answered questions I had, being a precocious child. Unfortunately, by the time it came to me going off into the big, bad world alone, the adverts were a distant memory (people argued that they were too full on and frightening but we all remember them, don't we?). My argument was that since the Government weren't bothered about HIV then it surely wasn't a problem anymore. Not in the UK anyway, or any other First World country. Tune into the news and you'd see pictures from Africa. Turn on Comic Relief and you'd see a few ramshackle hospitals and a celebrity dressed in khaki crying about the Aids epidemic in Africa. Why wasn't Lenny Henry sitting in a GUM (Genito-Urinary Medicine) clinic in London crying about the rising numbers of infected youths in this country? We live in a mass media culture with negligible coverage of HIV. Probably because of the advances in drug treatment for HIV that is so readily available here, meaning we can slow its progression, it no longer seems a big issue in the eyes of the Government.

Q Do we need to be more straightforward in the language we use in warning people about using condoms?

AAgain, the answer to this has to be yes. Apart from abstinence, it's the only way to ensure the nation isn't infertile and surviving on combination drug therapy for the rest of time. I've seen adverts such as the 'Gonna play? Play safe!' campaign and it just doesn't cut it. It's a nice bright poster with a happy dancing theme. HIV isn't nice, bright or happy dancing. Society needs a slap in the face. They need to be shocked again. A whole new generation needs their eyes opening to the risks. The Government has no qualms about showing a car crash to highlight the risks of drinkdriving, or a man on a ventilator, cutting to a picture of his daughter crying because of his death due to lung cancer three weeks after this was filmed. They need to get serious about HIV and quickly.

Q What do you think about the level of support/care you received after being diagnosed?

AThe support I've received so far has been brilliant. If I have questions I know where to go. If I'm having a depressed day there's someone around I can talk to. When you're first diagnosed, you have so many questions spinning around in your head that it's difficult to think about anything else. It really helps to talk to people about any questions you have. The worst thing you could do after being diagnosed is to type HIV into Google and consume the inaccurate and often frightening literature you find in cyberspace. By this time you've got the virus, so reading horrifying stories online isn't going to help your fragile mind. Thanks to TPA (Teesside Positive Action) there is support in the North-East away from the hospitals. TPA feels a lot more personal. I always feel slightly nauseated when I go to the hospital as it has that clinical smell that reminds me of the day 1 was diagnosed - not a day I'll be celebrating annually.

Q How has being HIV positive affected your life?

AI'm not sure whether it's too early to say. I'm having more down days than I should be at my age. I've beaten myself up about putting myself at risk. I'm not a stupid person but I have been at times. You only need to be careless once for it to change your life forever. At the moment, my CD4 (immune cell) count is high so I don't have to take treatment. I suppose I'm still trying to block it out of my mind, hence not being able to answer this question. I don't want it to affect my life. I'm sure when the time comes to start treatment or when I have noticeable health problems, I'll start to comprehend what it all actually means to me and how I'll have to change things in my life like smoking and drinking. For now, whilst I'm still asymptomatic, I think I'll just get on with trying to feel normal and not let HIV become me.

Q Do you have any message for people who may be exposing themselves to the risk of becoming HIV positive?

AI do. Stop it straight away. If you've had unprotected sex, go and get tested. Whatever the result, you really have to wise up. Wear a condom. If you know you're going to be drunk when you go out, make a point of taking condoms with you. Don't rely on anyone else to be sensible. Chances are they are as drunk as you. I'm not usually good when it comes to remembering dates but the day of my positive diagnosis is imprinted on my memory and always will be. I can't escape this now. It's been difficult so far trying to deal with this and I have many people to support me. I dread to think what it would be like not being able to tell anyone, to try and take it all on alone. But that might be how it pans out for you. Don't let it get to the point of waking up every morning with a weight on your shoulders. It's a burden. Don't have unprotected sex. HIV could be only one night of passion away from you