Rape is never excusable, but in today's imperfect world, we must be responsible for staying safe.

IN an ideal world, of course, you'd never lock your front door, you could leave your car unlocked, leave a camera on the seat in full view and maybe even wodges of money on the dashboard as well.

You could walk away and be sure that when you came back in an hour, a day or a week, your car, the cash and the camera would still be safely there, just where you left them.

But it's not an ideal world, is it? And anyone who left their car like that would be pretty daft. Or at least taking a huge risk.

Which is why we consider that people have a responsibility to look after their possessions, take some care, make allowances for the idiocy, criminality or downright stupidity of other people and not put temptation in their way.

And that goes for rape as well.

There has been an indignant reaction to the survey by Amnesty International that revealed that a third of people consider a woman was partially (partially, mind you, not entirely) responsible for being raped if she was drunk, or had been flirting, or wearing provocative clothes. There have been calls for the review of the judicial system, of police methods, or for an education campaign.

Well, of course a woman should be able to dress, drink and behave as she likes and still be safe. But life's not like that. And until it is, we have to be responsible for our own actions and our own safety. We have to keep our wits about us and realise that the world is as it is, not the way we would like it to be, and act accordingly.

My father taught me to drive "as if every other motorist on the road is a bloody idiot". My mother made me think of every man as a potential rapist. Extreme, yes. But both were lessons on how it is possible to have some control over what happens to you.

Of course, there are many rapes where the woman has done absolutely nothing to encourage a man or warrant an attack. But we have to face it that there are circumstances where, if a woman is too drunk to say no, and a man is too drunk to realise, then maybe they should divvy up the blame between them.

No, it's not the way things should be. But it's the way things are.

We don't need a review of the police or judicial systems. We just need some common sense.

Why it's time we tackled toilets

IT'S been one of our regular moans over the years and now it's been taken up internationally. Women have to spend too long queuing for the loo. Half a lifetime it seems sometimes - which is a long time with your legs crossed. It's because, well, let's not go into details, but we just take longer.

At half time in the theatre, for instance, men can nip in and out of the loo, go to the bar, have two drinks and have read all the programme notes by the time a woman has even got to the cubicle door. In really busy places, we need to start queuing long before we even think we need to go.

(And that's before you take pregnancy into account. Believe me, chaps wouldn't be so blas about it all if they had an eight pound bundle bouncing on their bladder.)

We need more loos then men do - but we get just the same number. Not enough.

But now the World Toilet Organisation - isn't it wonderful to know that such an organisation exits? - has decreed that women should have 14 loos to every ten for men.

Well, that's a relief. But it's only a recommendation, not a legal requirement. So maybe you'd better not uncross your legs just yet.

How we can handle hairy armpits

A MEMBER of a gym in Bristol has been told to wear a T-shirt, rather than a vest, because the sight of his big hairy armpits could upset other gym users.

Big hairy armpits I can cope with. What really upsets me in the gym are those tiny, glamorous, muscly women in stunning pink Lycra who spend half an hour running on the treadmill and don't even break sweat. Ban them and the rest of us would be a lot happier.

SOMETHING else for mothers to worry about. New research has shown that those who are stressed can pass this feeling on to their children. These findings will naturally cause mothers more stress, which in turn will be passed on...

Don't you wish some researchers would just keep their findings quiet?

Published: 23/11/2005