Gardeners' question time: what on earth is Tom Donnelly to do about his mares tail, a problem that's truly deep rooted?

Tom's chairman of Arngrove Northern League first division side Billingham Town, weed free hard standing required around the pitch for all clubs at that level.

Mares tail, alas, has made even the most green-fingered red-faced with frustration.

Though it sounds vaguely Chaucerian, it's reckoned the world's oldest weed, and thus has picked up a few tricks in its time.

"We've tried everything over the past year but it just laughs at us," says Tom. "We've used engine oil, fire and possibly even brimstone. Nothing seems to work.

"If anyone wants to come around and experiment, they'll be very welcome."

The weed that's making hard standing damn near impossible is also known as horse tail, sometimes as pipeweed and in Latin as hippuris vulgaris. The Billingham boys call it something worse altogether.

The Internet is also up to its oxters in the stuff, everyone from the Weed Science Society of America through sundry universities to the Mortlake Garden Club anxious to tweak the mares tail. None has succeeded.

"The plant is considered invasive," says a website, essaying botany's biggest understatement. "This is one of the most difficult weeds to eradicate in the garden situation."

They don't go much on it at football grounds, either.

Napalm, strychnine and a very big bulldozer have also been suggested, though an Internet agronomist warns against using such blunt instruments - "If you touch mares tail with a mechanical cultivator, you'll understand why it's been around for 500 million years."

Mulching has also been tried and failed - mulch ado about nothing - digging out the roots simply makes the crittur more determined.

Some say that the roots go 5ft deep, others that they go to China, others, satanically, that they go to hell.

"Mares tail is in my opinion public enemy number one," says another website correspondent. "It is an ancient relic of primeval times, looks like it belongs to Jurassic Park and, unchecked, spreads like wildfire."

Other correspondents sympathise ineffectually. "It's prehistoric, So are sharks. Good luck, pard."

Someone else suggested that the weed would cease to flourish if overshadowed by a crop of potatoes. The Northern League management committee isn't thought to be over keen on potato patches on its grounds, either.

We have also consulted Brigid Press, the Echo's esteemed gardening correspondent, but haven't yet had a reply.

Billingham Town's growing concern is that the Bedford Terrace ground was supposed to be weed free by the end of last March. "It will take several seasons before the weed can be controlled," says an American website, as if aware of the problem.

Tom hopes to get to the bottom of it soon. "We've been advised to jump up and down on it, deprive it of oxygen and that'll fettle it, but no joy so far."

Sting in the mares tail? We'll be delighted to pass on ideas or offers of help.

The Arngrove Northern League magazine, incidentally, reports that Hebburn Town assistant manager Peter Robinson had to pick up midfielder Stuart Patterson from work in Newcastle, before dashing down to an FA Cup replay at Winterton, near Scunthorpe. Robinson had first called at the lad's house to pick up his boots from his mum, opened the carrier bag at Winterton and discovered that it contained two onions and two bananas. No use crying, Patterson played in borrowed footwear. Hebburn won 2-0.

As ubiquitous and as vociferous as ever, Sir Bobby Robson was in Durham yesterday to help launch something called the Future Business Magnates Challenge.

It wasn't until he got there that he realised that Ron Batty, chairman of the organising group, was the son of the former Newcastle United full back of the same name.

"My dad used to take me to watch him when I was a kid," said Sir Bobby, eight years younger than Batty senior, who died in 1971, would have been.

Signed from East Tanfield Colliery after the war, the elder Batty made 181 appearances, scoring just once, before 40 Football League games with Gateshead. He also managed Stanley United.

The only goal of his career came after 12 years at St James' Park, a 35-yard free kick in the 2-1 defeat at Leicester. The Echo's headline said the Magpies badly needed a marksman; Ron played just twice more.

A nice old gentleman stops us in the street, appreciative of Friday's column - cricket, mainly - but concerned that there's not enough about Sunderland.

Ever anxious to please, we asked John Briggs to find a Sunderland anniversary which fell on September 27. John obliges: it was the day in 1890 that the club won its first ever Football League point, a 3-3 draw at Burnley.

Sunderland had, in truth, won 4-0 at West Bromwich the previous Saturday but the League discovered that goalkeeper Ned Doig, signed from Arbroath, hadn't been registered long enough.

Sunderland were fined £50 and had two points deducted - th e first time, but by no means the last, that the Football League had used points deduction as a punishment. His time served, Doig went on to make 456 competitive appearances in 14 seasons.

September 27 1890? Darlington beat local rivals St Augustine's 4-1 "though the conditions were too exciting for good football", 7,000 watched Sunderland Albion defeat Stockton 4-1 in a Northern League game and Middlesbrough Ironopolis saw off Chirk ("the Welsh champions") by the same score.

"Ironopolis," said the Echo, "added signally to their laurels."

Though Great Ayton School beat South Bank Albion 4-2, the home player Thompson "was disabled by one of the visitors who was later found to have both toe and heel plates of iron."

Elsewhere, Pincher Bell won a quoits match for £30 in the grounds of the Royal Tent Inn at Willington, thousands watched a rabbit coursing handicap at Crook, umpteen fives games took place for high stakes and Bishop Auckland beat Rendel who, apparently, were a Newcastle side.

Though Sunderland make their point in the record books, the Echo - inexplicably - seems to have decided that the match wasn't worth a mention.

Inevitably after money, Bulldog Billy Teesdale has been on. "People think I must be dead, I haven't been in your column for so long," he says.

Evenwood's finest lives to tell many a tale, on Saturday completing his by now annual walk in aid of cystic fibrosis research.

"The way my knees are it's hardest going down hill," he says. "It's not so bad going up."

We rang back yesterday to see how the old lad had got on. "I found him collapsed on a bench at the end," reported the ever-patient Mrs Teesdale. "He was that bad he didn't get to the pub until seven o'clock."

The cheque's in the post Bill, honest.

And finally...

the only player to have played in Manchester, Liverpool and Glasgow derbies (Backtrack, September 24) is Andrei Kanchelskis.

Brian Shaw in Shildon today invites readers to name the only player to captain both English and Scottish FA Cup winning sides.

This side of the border, the column returns on Friday.

Published: 27/09/2005