From bedfellows as improbable as Billingham Synthonia's programme and Darlington's Campaign for Real Ale branch newsletter, we learn of a threat to a little piece of football history. They want to build houses where for more than a century the Forge Tavern in Darlington has gone hammer and tongs.
Until 1919, Forge Albion were just another team in the Darlington and District League. Darlington FC played in the North Eastern League, an altogether grander stage.
They'd turned professional in 1908, reached the FA Cup quarter-final in 1910-11 and had a chap called Travis (who was he, then?), who in 14 months up to March 1915 hit 61 goals in 41 games. By that summer, however, the club was in danger of folding.
The Great War put football, and finance, on hold. When in December 1918 it was decided to form a Northern Victory League, Darlington were invited to join.
When none would shake a stick at the Quakers, J B Haw came forward. He'd been a turner at Darlington Forge, was landlord of the Forge Tavern and ran the district league side with a trainer called Willie Mafham.
On January 3 1919, Darlington Forge Albion were elected to the new league alongside the likes of Newcastle United, Middlesbrough and Sunderland. It kicked off the following week; Bishop Auckland, who'd hoped for the eighth and last place, were disappointed.
Haw was the George Reynolds of his day. He transformed Feethams, restored the pitch, completed the east stand - with dressing rooms for the first time - and signed old professionals from as far afield as Spurs and Kilmarnock.
After a moderate start, Forge Albion beat Newcastle United 2-0 in front of a 10,000 crowd at St James' Park and beat the Magpies 3-0 in the return. They finished above Durham City and Hartlepools.
Though the name reverted to Darlington FC in 1919-20, Haw remained chairman. When they joined the Third Division North in 1921-22, Jack English - who he'd signed from Sheffield United - became manager.
Still regarded as a saviour in the town, Haw ran the Golden Cock in the town centre for 27 years until his death in 1960.
Now the Forge Tavern, whose other former landlords include the no-less legendary and uniquely generous Tommy Darby, faces demolition. CAMRA has launched a formal objection.
"We're fully aware of its place in Darlington's football history, but we're unhappy for other reasons as well," says spokesman Brendan Boyle.
"It's a grand old pub which is still trading. It's estimated that Britain loses 26 pubs each month and Darlington has had its share. We don't want this to be another."
George Reynolds, incidentally, was spotted among Saturday night's merrymakers on Newcastle Quayside, very much the oldest swinger in town. "He looked in pretty good shape," reports our man on the tiles, though those seeking news of the old incorrigible's love life will be disappointed. His companion was male.
Most people consider referees to be a bit disappointing from time to time. Marske Morons, who play in the Southlands Centre seven-a-side league in Middlesbrough, take their unhappiness a little further.
"He stands on the sidelines, talks on his phone, chats to his mates and takes no interest in the game," report the Morons in Marske United's programme.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, they've now written an official letter of complaint to the league.
Perhaps reflecting on the column's recent Highland sojourn, Gordon Hodgson in Bishop Auckland points out that the Scottish international football team's original colours were both primrose and pink and second hand rose. Impoverished, the SFA couldn't afford a new set.
Breast beating blue didn't befit the tartan army until after Billy Walker of Chelsea shaded his first cap. Concerned that the colours mightn't (shall we say) suit the lad, Walker's dad bought the SFA something more manly instead.
Chants would be a fine thing (or not, as the case may be.)
Following our annual visit to Chester-le-Street Riverside, last Tuesday's column reported that a small group of Derbyshire fans had been threatened with ejection following "innocent" chanting during the match.
We also quoted Norman Harris, of The Times, that it was "hardly the tolerance we might expect from an aspiring Test match ground."
Don Clarke, a Durham member from South Shields, chimes up in the county's defence. "Supporters at Test matches and at county cricket are now two different breeds, and different standards of conduct should be accepted.
"Day to day county support consists of a more staid and elderly following. To imply that the Riverside is unworthy of Test match status because of the conservative attitude of its members is palpably unfair."
Though a bit miffed with both of us, Don's never been happy with Norman Harris since his report of one of Gordon Muchall's knocks. "An innings of 26, including seven fours....."
Gary Pratt, whose run-out could run and run, even features in this week's UK Press Gazette.
Former Daily Mirror journalist Tim Minogue recalls playing for Grub Street Casuals - a team of Fleet Street's finest and fondest - in a tour match against the City of Durham. As usual the Casuals were hung over, as usual a couple of men short. Durham offered to lend one of theirs.
"We weren't very impressed when they produced a nine-year-old in baggy shorts but Gary turned out to be our best player, fielded like a demon and scored 14 not out. He showed us all up."
Pratt's spectacular dismissal of Australian skipper Ricky Ponting would have made headlines anyway, of course - "but," says Minogue, "it took a Grub Street man to save the day."
Fast bowler Les dies at 92
Les Childs, the former Darlington fast bowler whose impending 90th birthday we recorded two years ago, has died. He was a delightful old gentleman.
They thought he'd never survive infancy, having contracted double pneumonia as a two-year-old. "My mother would sit up all night with me, applying bread poultices, that's what pulled me through," he recalled.
Les had played cricket for Darlington RA, moved to Feethams, had a retirement home overlooking the RA ground, summer binoculars ever ready.
For Darlington he took 265 first team wickets at 13.05, for the seconds 352 at 9.34.
Bob Hattersley's Darlington history also records ten successive ducks. "I played war," Les grumbled, affably, "they never mentioned the five catches in one match."
He was one of five brothers. Another was Arthur Childs, later a Darlington pub landlord, who was sent off playing for Hull City against Arsenal in the 1930 FA Cup semi-final after City manager Billy McCracken had warned before the match that someone would go.
Arthur, Childs play, was said to have kicked Alex James. Most reckoned he was yards away. Arsenal won 1-0. "There was a lot of talk about it being fixed," said Les. "So far as I know, the referee never had another game."
It was Hails of Hartlepool who, by no means for the first time, proferred the best story, however.
Les had worked at the Whessoe for 43 years, played when he could for the works team. Ron Hails captained the Paragonians, a Hartlepool side of (shall we say) strolling players.
Fred Battersby, a Paragonians legend, was 97 not out. Up in the pavilion, Ron was growing anxious about the declaration and the Whessoe tea lady anxious about the kettle.
Fred held up his hand as Les came in to bowl, walked down the wicket, explained that he'd promised his old dad that one day he'd score a century. His dad was desperately ill. "If I score a ton," said Fred, truthfully, "he'll die happy."
The next ball sat up, begged and was despatched in the manner for which so benignly it had asked. Paragonians declared, batsman and bowler walked off arm in arm.
Les's funeral is at 9.30am on Thursday at St Matthew and St Luke's church in Brinkburn Road, Darlington. His death notice in yesterday's Echo probably said it all: "A true sportsman to the end."
And finally...
The players from Sunderland's disastrous 2002-03 campaign who are still with other Premiership clubs (Backtrack, September 16) are Phillips, Sorensen and McCann - all Aston Villa, Kilbane (Everton), Poom (Arsenal), Thom (Wigan), Gray (Wigan), Bellion (Man Utd), El Karkouri (Charlton) and Reyna (Manchester City.)
Brian Shaw in Shildon today invites readers to name the first English footballer to appear in the finals of international tournaments in three different decades.
The column returns in three days.
Published: 20/09/2005
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