AMIE is sitting quietly in an armchair in a corner of the room while her mother Debbie Wrightson talks. Occasionally, she gets up to get a bag of crisps, or to play with her younger brothers, but mostly she is quiet. Today is a good day, according to Debbie, but she isn't always like this.

Now 13, Amie has severe learning and behavioural difficulties, problems which were apparent from when it took her longer than other children to learn to walk.

"I have always had some involvement with social services with Amie being the way she was," says Debbie. "Either social workers coming to see how her development was coming along, or somebody coming out to help me deal with her behaviour.

"She has good days and bad days. Some days she is really helpful, some days she is really abusive."

As Amie grew older, her behaviour deteriorated. She became more aggressive, particularly towards her brothers. As the mother of three other children - boys aged 12, nine and four - and with her husband working away, Debbie admits she found it increasingly difficult to cope.

"She got into the habit of picking on the smaller ones. She hit them and tried to choke them and throw them down the stairs. It was quite serious a few times," she says.

And what made it harder for Debbie was that Amie would follow her around all the time. With no chance of ever having a break from her daughter, Debbie found her frustration hard to control.

"She has been through several obsessions. One was door handles - open, shut, open, shut. It drove me up the wall," says Debbie, of Toronto, near Bishop Auckland.

"I had no patience with her. It got me that far down that even when she was good I was angry with her all the time for just making me so wound up. It was just constant pressure.

"She can't sit and watch the telly because she has no attention span. She constantly follows me around and I really felt that I hated her because I never got a minute's break from her."

But even then, Debbie was reluctant to seek help, feeling that it would be an admission she had failed as a mother. Until, eventually, she realised she couldn't take it any more.

"At first I refused help, thinking she was my daughter, my responsibility and it was like me abandoning her. I suppose I felt I would be letting her down, as if I was giving up.

"But it was the summer holidays and with her not being at school and with me 24 hours it got to the point where I knew I was going to totally lose it. I couldn't manage, I got to boiling point and I really thought that I was going to hurt her or she was going to hurt one of her brothers. I had to ask for help."

Debbie's social worker put her in touch with Barnardo's, which runs a short-break service for parents of disabled children in the North-East. Amie was then matched up with carer Anne Marriott, who lives at nearby Croxdale, near Spennymoor.

Anne had helped look after her grandson Liam, who has cerebral palsy, but when her daughter and Liam left home, she decided to give up her job at a nursing home and move into providing short-term care for children. After training lasting six months, she was matched up with her first child, and a few months later she was introduced to Amie. That was nearly three years ago. She now has Amie for eight nights a month, including two weekends.

"I find it very rewarding. You get the satisfaction of giving somebody a break, and I thoroughly enjoy it," says Anne.

"The training really prepares you for the kids coming, but you always learn quicker when you are actually doing something and it is a constant learning process. And it is all done very gradually so everybody can go into it slowly.

"Even then, when the training finished I thought I wouldn't be able to do it, but I had a young boy two days later and he was absolutely fantastic."

She now looks after four children for short-break care, as well as taking Liam three times a week after school. She admits there are times when it can be frustrating, but the downsides are outweighed by the benefits.

"If you can understand where the child is coming from and why they behave in a certain way, everything just falls into place. You need patience, and Barnardo's are absolutely fantastic at supporting you," she says.

She has been on the receiving end of abuse and aggression, but says she has learnt how to deal with it.

"I had one lad who tried to trash the house and I found if I reacted in a certain way it made him do it all the more, and Amie once said to me, 'I'm going to stick a knife in your back', and that was after she had a really good day. I just said, 'Good night', and shut the door.

"You soon get to know these kids and you learn very quickly. You need boundaries and the kids need to know when they are overstepping the mark," she says.

Judith Latheron, manager of the Barnardo's disability service, says many parents are unaware of the help available. The Barnardo's scheme started in County Durham but now operates across the North-East, and is paid for by local authorities.

She says all the charity's carers are vetted and care packages are based on each child's needs, from day care to short breaks. "There are times in life when everyone needs support and if you're the parents of a disabled child, you'll know that more than most," she adds.

For Debbie, the difference it has made to her life is huge, and has helped her overcome her initial feelings of guilt.

"It is just a different house when I get that break. I can relax more and spend some time with the boys and not have a headache watching Amie and her winding me up," she says.

"And when she comes home I've missed her and I'm ready to look after her and cope with her again. There are still days I could pull my hair out, it is always going to be like that, but I'm just more ready to deal with her.

"I don't feel guilty about it anymore because I know it is good for Amie and she loves going to Anne's. Anne is brilliant with her and Amie is happy and excited when she knows she is going. It does me good, it does Amie good, it does the whole family good."

And while Anne may have had doubts at the start about her ability to cope, those have swiftly been dispelled by the rewards of looking after the children.

"I'm very surprised at what I'm doing now, because I never foresaw that I would be taking the kids that I am now," she says. "It is just satisfying to see them smiling and laughing, even when they have had a really bad day.

"People say I must have a heart of gold, but I think they're just kids. You might have to do things a little differently, but they're just kids. When they go, I miss them. It is like being a grandmother of five - I've got this extended family, and I love it."

* Barnardo's Disability Service can be contacted on 0191-378 4800