Loose Women (ITV1)
Animal Park (BBC2)
OLYMPIC rower James Cracknell confessed to being nervous as he took his place between four Loose Women.
This may sound like a man's dream position but Cracknell and other male guests tend to break out in a cold sweat at the prospect.
"Why does every bloke say that?," asked presenter Kaye Adams. She's intelligent enough to know the answer - because it's four against one in the battle of the sexes and I'm uncertain her introduction that Cracknell was "used to coxless fours" was any help.
He emerged from the ordeal intact after plugging his charity trip on a surfboard from Dover to Calais. Being surrounded by four feisty females was a small price to pay for the publicity.
ITV1's search to find something to fill the 5-6pm slot while the successful Paul O'Grady Show is off the air could easily be solved by moving Loose Women to plug that hour. It's easily the liveliest talk show around, although BBC1's much-derided (including by me) The Bigger Picture With Graham Norton is showing signs of improvement now that the format is edging closer to the camp comedian's old C4 show.
Adams and her companions debate all manner of subjects. Singer Jane McDonald was testing anti-wrinkle jam, the trigger for the loose talkers to offer beauty tips. Former Hear'Say singer Kym Marsh came up with the strangest. Dab your own urine on spots and other skin blemishes, she suggested. No-one seemed very keen on trying this, especially on national television.
Carol McGiffin passed on the fact that models use pile cream to remove puffy eyes and broken veins. Again, there was resistance to the idea. More enticing was splashing hot and cold water on a woman's boobs to perk them up (I emailed in to offer to help).
On a more serious note, they discussed the right age to have a baby. A pregnant Meera Syal was on hand to offer expert opinion. She talked about her private life in the sort of detail that would make some actors scream "invasion of privacy" if it appeared in a tabloid.
And she had a beauty tip - rinse your hair in yoghurt to make it shine. Do remember, though, to rinse it in water afterwards or goodness knows what people will think you've been up to with all that white stuff in your hair.
No doubt the success of Bill Oddie's nightly wildlife programme has led to Animal Park being promoted from early morning to early evening, and stripped across five nights. Kate Humble has left Bill to his twittering and got a new companion, Ben Fogle, as they talk to the animals at Longleat Park.
Most of the time, the show resembles Animal Hospital without Rolf Harris but with more exotic animals. But the 'ooh, aah, isn't it cute?' factor is high thanks to infants like Ernest the baby tapir.
"Stripy and spotty with big ears and absolutely gorgeous," was his keeper's verdict. I bet those loose women have been out with men who match that description.
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