Watching The Detectives (ITV1)

The Bigger Picture With Graham Norton (BBC1)

I have no hesitation in naming one of the guilty parties - newsreader Nicholas Owen. Admittedly he's only a front man for one of the great TV crimes of the summer season, Watching The Detectives. The real culprits are those who thought up this hopeless quiz currently being stripped across the daytime schedules on ITV1.

"Fingerprints on your buzzer," instructed Owen, who has the misfortune to present this snooze-worthy show.

Three contestants - or amateur sleuths as Owen likes to call them - are taken to Ardley Hall in Cheshire, the scene of 39 movie murders and now a TV quiz that killed the art of entertainment.

The trio are self-confessed TV detective fans, although the questions asked are mostly so simple that anyone could answer. It all ends with an identity parade. Sorry, "TV's only identity parade," according to Owen.

A clip from a TV cop show is screened and the contestant with most points has to pick out an actor featured from six men paraded before him. The reward is £2,000, indicating that every expense had been spared in rewarding the winner.

Those responsible for Watching The Detectives should be locked up and made to watch The Bigger Picture With Graham Norton round the clock. I can think of no greater punishment, although being locked in the Big Brother house with the bunch of unpleasant people remaining in this last week of the competition would come a close second.

After months of sitting around waiting for a show, C4 import Norton opted for The Bigger Picture, only to have the opening edition clock up lower ratings than shows screened in the same slot.

Words such as risque and effervescent are used in the TV listings to promote this show. Desperate and unfunny would be more apt. Norton can be very amusing but the format here, described as "a personal look at what's been in the news", is all wrong.

Jokes about cricket, Delia Smith, the Atkins diet and Easyhotel were barely topical, let alone funny. With Sandi Toksvig, Toby Young and Angela Griffin as guests, you'd have expected something more than the tired old stuff on offer here.

The obligatory American movie star guest was Val Kilmer. After last week's hesitant start, you'd think the producers would have steered clear of him. He showed on the opening edition of ITV1's Nigella - and look what a disaster that turned out to be - that he's not the chattiest of chaps. Again on Norton's show, he simply looked bemused and made only the smallest of contributions to the chat.

What needs to be done with The Bigger Picture is to move it to late night Friday night, cut down on the guests, give Norton space to be outrageously funny and have him visit a few saucy websites. And if that sounds suspiciously like his old C4 show, that's intentional. Sometimes you should stick to what you do best.