Frankenstein (C4); Coast (BBC2): Think how upsetting it must be for a mad scientist to create life only to discover that the creature he's made looks like a member of a boy band having a very bad hair day. That's what happens when you cast a former member of Bros as Frankenstein's monster.

The special make-up effects people - a company going by the wholly appropriate name of Almost Human - didn't opt for the bolt-through-the-neck Herman Munster look for the creature. Luke Goss simply had straggly hair and bad skin, nothing that a weekend and makeover at his local beauty spa wouldn't have cured. I've seen people look worse after a night of heavy drinking.

He mastered the art of conversation and reading very quickly, making him a very educated monster who'd quote poetry as he ripped off your head.

You knew that this two-part TV movie based on Mary Shelley's classic horror story wouldn't be very scary as C4 scheduled it for the afternoon. The production was handsomely mounted, decently acted by an international cast and Goss made a sympathetic monster. But it was all a bit lifeless, like the dog in Victor Frankenstein's attempt to create life by plugging a corpse into energy harnessed from an electric storm.

"No-one is safe," Vic warned Captain Donald Sutherland, who found him wandering the icy wastes of the Antarctic. He may have been poorly but that didn't stop him relating his story. "There was a time when happiness filled my life too, before misfortune unparalleled tortured my mind," he said in speech so flowery you wished that frostbite had got his tongue.

He had a happy childhood, although one in which young Vic was obsessed with death and finding a formula for making people live forever. "Who knows what man is capable of?," he asked himself (no-one else could be bothered to listen to his ramblings).

Off he went to university to study science under William Hurt. You could tell he's a proper actor because he was the only one who adopted a "vee haf vays of making you talk" accent.

The movie dutifully proceeded through Shelley's plot with rhubarbing villagers running the creature out of town and the monster's encounter with a little girl ("Do you like baby ducklings?," she asked. "Yes, on toast with tomato ketchup," you expected him to reply).

Poor Victor Frankenstein was desperately trying to have a nervous breakdown but the monster wouldn't let him lie. He demanded that he made him a mate. With Blind Date being axed, how else is a chap going to meet his ideal girl?.

Nicholas Crane and his helpers continued their journey around our Coast (BBC2). This leg extended from Aberystwyth to Wirral where, our guide promised, there were "some fascinating stories to tell". Certainly the scenery looked gorgeous although good photography isn't enough and at times this seemed a very plodding journey.

A beach littered with the roots of giant trees at low tide - the Welsh Atlantis, perhaps? - and a history of local bridges were interesting enough.

Finding leather-back turtles off the Welsh coast was a surprise too. They migrate from the Caribbean to dine out on the millions of jellyfish in the sea. This makes their 7,000-mile journey worthwhile. Why they couldn't just order a takeaway, I don't know.

Published: 01/08/2005